Read below or listen here (with Play button).
On Monday, I shared with you the crazy dating adventure of Wendy and Barry full of musty furniture, long yellow toenails along with a hobby of tombstone collecting in the backyard. What a crazy date don’t you think? Especially for Wendy’s first date since her divorce.
By the way, if you missed their amazing date, you can read it about it right here.
Back to today’s story…here’s Dear Lisa Advice for Wendy
Wendy, do yourself a favor and Don’t agree to meet a man at his house for a first date!
Even though Barry was considered safe having been vouched for by a friends husband, and even though he made you a great dinner which was very nice, you left yourself in the position of being trapped for hours with a guy you didn’t like without an exit strategy.
What you can and should Do instead is make a first date short and sweet!
Wendy, let me ask you this question? What’s do you think is the true goal of a first date? Is it to see if this man might be your next mate? Nope. Its only purpose is to see if you like each other enough for a second date. That’s it!
Next time, meet a new guy at a coffee shop or for a drink, if you can safely drive after drinking alcohol. If the date isn’t working out, you can get out of there the second you finish your cup of coffee or glass of wine.
Home cooked meals are wonderful especially when a special man makes them for you, but consider saving this treat for later in the dating process when you want to spend time with a man you really like and want to get to know better.
Wendy Don’t go into a date focusing on your flaws
I know dating is scary but I want you to think about this statement-if you don’t love yourself then why should that great guy sitting across from you even like you?
Wendy men are into your confidence so Do go into a date feeling good about you
Before every date-remind yourself of the wonderful qualities you bring to the dating table. This way, you’ll know you are a wonderful catch, which gives you the power to decide if you like him versus whether he likes you. Wendy, you deserve to love again in your life but to attract love, you have to start by loving you first.
Wendy, Don’t give your power away to a man just to be polite
Wendy you felt creepy in Barry’s house but stayed and suffered a couple of hours with an odd man because you were taught not to be rude. By doing this, you put his needs ahead of your own.
From now on Do put yourself in a position where you have an exit strategy in any dating situation
I am giving you permission from this day forward to always leave a dating situation that doesn’t feel good to you. Start right now building an exit strategy plan for dates that don’t work. Have your girlfriend call 15 minutes into your dates. Or start your date by saying you have a meeting you need to be at. And if worse comes to worse-say you are suddenly not feeling well and get out of there.
I know your mom taught you not to be rude but you’re never going to see this man again because for some reason you don’t like him. Sweetly use your excuse, say good-bye and get back out in the dating world so you can find someone better suited for you.
Wendy Don’t think twice about a second date with a man you don’t even like!
I understand the rejection factor of a man not asking you out again. It’s hard and we often wonder why he and every other man out there didn’t love us. It’s not about you sweetie. It’s about him and what he’s looking for and the two of you just weren’t a match.
Instead Do take your power back and decide if this is a man you’d really want in your life!
You felt yucky from the very start of this date when Barry answered the door with those nasty toenails. You aren’t going to appeal to every man nor will he to you. But when it works, you do get to decide who you’d like to continue dating.
There’s so much Wendy could have done differently if she’d only had the tools and skills to handle the challenges she faced at Barry’s home. Now if Wendy would have had the Find A Quality Man Home Study System™ she’d have know just what to do with this Barry guy. Now you’ll know what to do for any dating challenge in your life with this amazing coaching in a box home study system. https://findaqualityman.com/products/
Have a question you’d like answered? Jot it down at: https://findaqualityman.com/contact/
Until next time-
Believing in You!
Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .
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1. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for heartfelt dating wisdom and uplifting success stories from women who have been just where you are. They found love, and so can you. Click here to watch and learn.
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Thanks for the guidance- I wish I had read these points before I ended up in a 2 hour miserable first date recently where they guy I met turned out to be extremely strong-minded and wanted to debate everything with me from gun control laws to the high cost of breast implants!
I also discovered that he is a vegan ( I love meat!) and an advocate for “living off the grid” and distrusting our government. Instead of leaving after a few minutes, I stayed because I worried that it would be rude to leave.
Hi Nancy
Thanks for sharing your story.
I remember when I first started dating in my 40’s, I would let men ramble on the phone for hours thinking I was being the “Good Girl”. I didn’t know any better and the hours of time I could have spent doing activities that interested me, were instead spent listening to some guys life story without even leading to a date.
We have enough on our plates and we don’t need to waste time being with dates that aren’t working. That’s why it’s so important to have an exit strategy in place before the date begins just like you do on an airplane, a movie theater or a hotel- so you know where to go when a dates just not working.
Hope your next date is better but if it’s not, you now know you can sweetly say Bye-Bye before your coffee is done. Good luck and keep me posted on how this works for you. Hopefully all your future dates will be great.
Lots of hugs
Lisa
Hi Lisa,
I read your blog post with great interest, but in some ways, I want to play devil’s advocate here.
So yes, it sucked for Wendy. Lousy first date, no exit strategy. BUT… if she had just met Barry at a coffee shop, as you suggest, how likely is it she would have discovered the yellow toenails, the musty furniture, and the tombstone collection (I still can’t get over that one) at a coffee shop? Unless he was wearing open-toed sandals or mentioned his tombstone collection, probably not! She might have had a great date with him. Then, a few dates down the road, she would have gone to his house, had the date you described in your previous blog post, and realized he was NOT for her. Now she has wasted time and energy that she’s invested in Barry, and perhaps her disappointment is even greater because she has started to care for him.
In some ways, I think the guy did her a real favor right from the start. Even if she had to spend a few creepy hours with him, she knew pretty quickly that this wasn’t going anywhere and she was able to move on mentally. I know it was disappointing, but she is now totally back on the market and can mark this guy off her list. Oh yes, and she’s learned that the opinion of those so-called friends is not exactly sound. That’s my two cents worth.
Hi Karen
Wendy’s problem was she found she didn’t like this man in person-a very common problem that often happens. On the phone, our energy may work great but in real life it often doesn’t. And, yes, the tombstones, furniture and toenails were distractions while they were speaking at his home but chances are she probably wouldn’t have liked him at the coffee shop either. If she had liked him and gotten to know him better in neutral territory, what creeped her out on a first date at his house may have seemed nothing more then eccentric and part of his personality further into a relationship. Thanks for your thoughts Karen. Hugs, Lisa