Are you setting yourself up to fail at finding Mr. Right after 50?
If you’ve read enough online profiles online than you know most men and women are using “CHEMISTRY” or “AN INITIAL SPARK” as a barometer for determining whether or not someone is right for them.
I know because the BIG SPARK happened to me when I met my second husband.
We had amazing chemistry that felt so good.
Our first coffee date turned from a half hour meet and greet into an 8-hour marathon.
Within minutes of meeting, I felt like I’d known him my entire life.
Six weeks later, we were talking about getting married and almost a year to the day we met, we stood at the altar as husband and wife.
I knew we had a communication problem before we married but the spark was so intense that I passed over this red flag hoping over time it would correct itself as our love grew.
Over the next two years, the chemistry continued but we were arguing more and more about anything and everything.
That’s because we were missing friendship, a crucial connection needed to keep any relationship solid.
We separated 2 years after marrying and divorced about 3 1/2 years after first meeting each other.
Although this was a painful period in my life, I learned a lot about relationships that are chemistry driven.
I realized that a relationship needs to develop at a slower pace and that its most important quality is a friendship that takes time to develop.
I discovered that intimacy was more important than sex and chemistry.
Intimacy keeps you connected on an emotional level. Sex is all about hormones.
I recognized that chemistry gives you a false sense of being in love when it turns out what you are really in is lust.
I identified how friendship, not spark was the glue that held you together and was the most important factor in creating and keeping a long term relationship.
My hope is what I’m sharing will keep you from having to experience this in your own life.
When you’re only looking for the initial spark, you’re setting yourself up to fail at attracting and keeping a good man in your life.
When you have a first date where you’re not feeling the spark but he’s genuinely a good guy, who treats you well and is attractive in your eyes, try going out with him again and see what develops over time.
A client of mine who is now married did not feel sparks or chemistry when she first met her husband.
As time went on, and as their friendship grew, they found their chemistry growing and as their love grew, the sparks grew.
It’s this slow building type of chemistry that can create a lasting and sustaining relationship between you and your Mr. Right.
Are you looking for the initial spark or do you give relationships a chance to grow? I hope you will share your stories by posting them below.
Want to make sure you know about our closed FaceBook group.
It’s a community of women who share their stories and support each other on this journey of finding love after 50.
Love to have you join us by clicking here.
Until next time-
Believing in You!
Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .
💞 Feeling like you are on a merry-go-round of mismatched dates? Lets press pause and talk about how we can write a new love story for you. Click here to start our conversation. Tell me your story – I am here to listen and guide you towards meeting someone truly special.
If you are still gearing up for that step, I have plenty of insights and inspiration for you:
1. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for heartfelt dating wisdom and uplifting success stories from women who have been just where you are. They found love, and so can you. Click here to watch and learn.
2. Discover a new chapter in your dating life with my book, "The Winning Dating Formula." It is more than a book; it is your journey to love mapped out. And it is just a click away on Amazon. Click here and start attracting the love you deserve.
3. Join our Finding Love after 50 Facebook group to find camaraderie and connection. It is a warm and welcoming space to share your journey and receive support every step of the way. Click here to become part of our community.
4. On the lookout for a dating site that resonates with you? Browse through my personal selection of the best dating sites tailor-made for fabulous over 50s. Click here and say goodbye to guesswork.
Let these resources be your steppingstones to a love life filled with promise and joy. When you are ready, I am here to take that journey with you. Together, lets find your Mr. Right! 🌹
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I 100% agree that real, emotional intimacy and friendship are more important than chemistry and physical intimacy. And yes, that intimacy takes time to grow. Maybe a longer time for me—I’m an introvert and tend to be cautious about opening up to people. To me, sex is a very intimate expression of an emotional intimacy between two people.
The problem I’m finding is that so many guys are in a hurry and are not really willing to invest the time required to develop real closeness—they are more focused on getting to the bedroom, for “good loving,” as one guy I dated put it. And yeah, I can understand that if they are paying for dates, they–perhaps reasonably–expect some sort of payback. With one guy I dated a few times and kind of liked, I offered to split the tab (on our third date, I think it was)—and never heard from him again.
The ideal situation would be to meet men in a neutral group setting where you can get to know each other without any of the usual expectations on either side, and then turn it into a dating relationship if you are developing a liking for each other. But those situations are hard to come by.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. The 3rd date guy may have thought you friend zoned him by offering to pay. You can meet men in real life. I have a program that teaches you how to meet men in your local area and how to have fun doing it. Click here to find out more about this Training.