One of my dumbest over 50’s dating mistakes ever!
Before we get to today’s blog, I wanted to mention a fun virtual event that’s coming up next week.
It’s called The Wise Woman’s Journey. Twenty-one speakers share how these years can be a time of expansion and fulfillment, as you express yourself authentically and address concerns about visibility, opportunity, or the value of your gifts.
I am one of the featured speakers.
The host of this twenty-one-day journey, Catherine Rowan, is creating a visionary movement of wise women who are supporting each other and changing the cultural narrative on aging, beauty, and contribution for women. We also explore sexuality, health, astrology, and a range of other topics. Every day from 1-21 March you’ll be receiving a fabulous 30-minute video. Register to meet Catherine and the other leading inspirational women. I can’t wait for you to join us and experience this supportive Wise Woman community.
Here’s your link to register, all you have to do is click here to join.
Now onto one of my biggest dating blunders….
Today, I want to share with you one of my biggest dating blunders…
A couple of years ago, my high school boyfriend, Paul popped back into my life.
I was in the middle of my second divorce and I was feeling pretty low.
His kindness and humor gave me hope and made me feel like there was light at the end of a very long dark tunnel.
As high school sweethearts, we thought for sure our hearts would be bound together in love forever. (There is nothing like young love…so innocent and sweet!)
But we ended up at different colleges about four hours apart.
This distance would pull us apart and by winter break of our freshman year we broke up.
Our lives were no longer connected on a daily basis so the spark that held us together slowly fizzled.
I moved on in life, got married, had kids, and 24 years later, divorced my first husband then a few years later my second husband.
And that’s when Paul showed up again in my life.
He’d written me an email asking why we’d broken up 30 years ago.
That letter opened the door to an on-again/off-again two-year phone relationship….it was on the phone because we lived about 4 hours apart.
We spent hours talking every night and I found myself falling in love with him all over again.
And why wouldn’t I?
I was vulnerable and here was this old love of mine telling me I was beautiful, smart, kind, and compassionate.
He’d tell me stories of how he’d put me on a pedestal and treat me like a princess.
His words touched my heart at a time when I was feeling like a complete failure in the relationship department.
But there was a BIG problem happening…
We’d talk a couple of weeks then he’d literally disappear only to resurface months later with new words that would once again touch my heart.
We’d reconnect and then he’d disappear again.
My heart would break every time this happened.
I was in love with this man and I wanted to see him again.
But every time we scheduled a time to meet, he would cancel at the last minute leaving me angry, frustrated, and disappointed.
He finally said yes.
But when we met, his actions were so different from the words he’d spoken nightly on the phone with me.
Talking on the phone, he’d been so warm and open.
In-person, he was cool and distant.
I remember thinking where was that man I’d fallen in love with and who was this man standing right in front of me?
Well shortly after this little meet and greet, he disappeared again breaking my heart once more.
Now, you might ask, “why in the world did I let this go on?”
At the time, I wasn’t a Love Coach and Dating Expert.
I didn’t understand that I was falling in love with the fantasy I’d created based on the hollow words he’d shared with me every night.
This was a HUGE LESSON for me.
I learned words are cheap and very easy to fall for, especially when you feel vulnerable, lonely, or wounded in some way.
Words can blind you and keep you from seeing a man’s faults especially when they are soothing open emotional wounds.
A good man who really loves you will follow his words up with action.
His actions are what make him worthy of being with you!
Now it’s your turn.
Have you ever known a man like Paul?
Post below how he made you feel and if you are still in a relationship with him today.
I look forward to hearing your comments.
Believing in you!
Believing in You!
Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .
💞 Feeling like you are on a merry-go-round of mismatched dates? Lets press pause and talk about how we can write a new love story for you. Click here to start our conversation. Tell me your story – I am here to listen and guide you towards meeting someone truly special.
If you are still gearing up for that step, I have plenty of insights and inspiration for you:
1. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for heartfelt dating wisdom and uplifting success stories from women who have been just where you are. They found love, and so can you. Click here to watch and learn.
2. Discover a new chapter in your dating life with my book, "The Winning Dating Formula." It is more than a book; it is your journey to love mapped out. And it is just a click away on Amazon. Click here and start attracting the love you deserve.
3. Join our Finding Love after 50 Facebook group to find camaraderie and connection. It is a warm and welcoming space to share your journey and receive support every step of the way. Click here to become part of our community.
4. On the lookout for a dating site that resonates with you? Browse through my personal selection of the best dating sites tailor-made for fabulous over 50s. Click here and say goodbye to guesswork.
Let these resources be your steppingstones to a love life filled with promise and joy. When you are ready, I am here to take that journey with you. Together, lets find your Mr. Right! 🌹
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Copyright© 2024 Lisa Copeland. All rights reserved.
Hi, Lisa,
Thank you so much for your humility in sharing your story about Paul with us! I, too, had a “Paul” come into my life, a few months ago, through Twitter, of all places! He was the “perfect boyfriend” or so I thought. He would call me and text me every day, but there was always a long gap during the day where he couldn’t be reached. As time went on, something just didn’t seem right. I told my son about “Paul”, and my son asked me for Paul’s phone number. It turned out to be a text only phone. My son told me not to have anything to do with Paul anymore, and my Mom told me the same thing. On top of all this, I had just moved to a new state. I am so grateful that I did not give him any personal information. “Paul” then started asking me for money. That is when I knew he was a scammer (catfishing). Ironically, my cousin had told me about The Catfish Show, that doesn’t involve scammers asking for money, but their identities are completely different from who they say they are online. At first I was really angry that “Paul” (I’m sure this is not his real name) treated me like this, and I broke things off right away. The way these scammers prey on your emotions and literally steal millions of dollars from people, mostly women, who place their trust in these tricksters, is absolutely disgusting and heartwrenching. I hope the word gets out more and more about scammers, and like you said, Lisa, look at a man’s actions and how he treats you. A good man will always respect you and treat you well. It will be his honor and joy to do so.
Hey Tia…so glad you shared your story and so glad your son was able to identify a potential scammer that saved you lots of heartache and money.It’s pretty frustrating when you’re putting yourself out on dating sites and the only men who contact you are the one’s you can’t see yourself in a long term relationship with. I’ve seen this happen many times with clients who before working with me were always connecting with men who weren’t their forever guy. It’s frustrating and can cause you to constantly second guess yourself thinking maybe you’re just too independent to attract, meet and keep the right guy. This is something I help women overcome all the time . . . going from attracting men who aren’t a match to heading into the dating world feeling empowered in knowing who they want and how to find love with a good man. If you’d like to chat more about this(it’s totally complimentary), here’s a link to my calendar to set up a time for us to talk: https://my.timetrade.com/book/J8S2J
Believing in you! Big hugs~
OMG! I was married to Paul for 34 years, and yes he was my high school sweetheart! Everything you wrote describes our relationship in high school. He would keep breaking up with me and then we’d get back together again until we finally got married two years out of high school. It wasn’t until after I married him that I discovered he was abusive, and it took another 33 years to figure out he was a narcissist. Worst mistake of my life. At least he taught me exactly what to avoid in my future relationships and exactly what I do NOT want in a man.
Thanks for sharing your story Michelle. If you ever need help, reach out to me at Lisa@findaqualityman.com and I can share a tool I use in my group program that helps women see the patterns of men they are attracted to. Until they used this tool, they’d keep attracting the same type of guy who didn’t work for them because he felt so familiar. We worked together to help them get clear and comfortable with a new type of man and they are so much happier in the relationships they are now in.
Last night, a guy I have been seeing for 6 months, was supposed to come over for dinner. A female friend and her son stopped. When he saw she was there, he just drove right by. I saw him and text, ” Did you just drive by” he responded yes, I saw you had company and thought maybe it was a friend, lol, so I just came back home. I text it was (her name) he knows her, and she is only staying for an hour. Silly. Nothing in response. I called in 30 minutes when she left and he did not pick up the phone or respond. This is the 2nd time we had plans and he ghosted because he thought I was putting my friends or family first. Do I answer his text today or more likely tomorrow, or just forget it?
Barbara….you may have a communication problem happening. Did he actually say, he thinks you put family and friends first? If he did, this could be an issue. If he didn’t, its worth talking about why he ghosts.
Just before the start of the pandemic, an ex of mine sent me a very sweet birthday text out of nowhere. I hadn’t seem him in 4 years, though he periodically texted me. We exchanged messages and then phone calls, during which he eluded to wanting me back and still having feelings for me. I felt myself falling for him again even though I had moved several states away to forget about the heartbreak he caused me years back. He then asked to come visit, he wanted to see me, to connect again. I hesitatingly said yes. He planned to ride his motorcycle to see me and kept changing the date. He had planned to stay a few nights (in my guest room I told him), so each change of plans was inconvenient and stressful for me. I had deep cleaned, lost weight, blocked off my calendar and then nope, no visit. Finally he told me he was definitely coming in early September, gave the specific date and all of the details, and I went through it all again and was fully prepared for his visit. The day before he was supposed to start his 2 day motorcycle ride to get to my town, he texted me that he has fallen off his mountain bike and was too injured to make the trip by motorcycle, but that he was going to book a flight. At this point, I texted back and told him not to bother. I was crushed and could not bring myself to trust anything more. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done, as I was still missing this man after 4 years away. He apologized and told me that he would fly to see his parents instead, but would reach out to me on his way back to try to schedule another visit. I had items from a care package he had sent me months prior including a borrowed book that he insisted I don’t mail back because he wanted to pick it up in person. He never texted or called again, I mailed back everything he sent to me and didn’t even include a note. I still shake my head wondering what was on his mind, but for me the summary is this: he wanted what he wanted when he wanted it, and my needs were never going to be met. I don’t want a man like this in my life, no matter how my heart feels.
Brenda…good for you for having the courage to honor yourself. In the short run, its not easy but in the long run, you’ve now opened the door to a man who can be a partner. Big hugs and thanks for sharing your story.