Dear Lisa…Do I Cut Him Loose or Keep Him?

Dear Lisa,

I’ve been dating a man about for about a month. Next week is his birthday. I’m not sure how to handle it. Do I get a really nice gift for him? I know he’d love a mini iPod so he had something to listen to when he’s walking the track at a gym. Is that too expensive? I’m just clueless here. Help! Rena

PS. We’ve been intimate if that makes a difference. Thanks

Rena,

Since you’ve been dating only a month, I would keep the gift on the less expensive side.

Having been intimate does not change the price of the gift at this point in your dating relationship.

Why don’t you make him a nice home cooked meal and give him something like a book he may have mentioned, a gift certificate to Starbucks if he likes coffee, a nice coffee mug with his favorite coffee or tea or a bottle of his favorite wine?

These are appropriate beginning relationship gifts. Think about saving the iPod for later on if the relationship continues to goes further.

Dear Lisa,

David and I have been going out for 6 months. He’s a great guy. I enjoy our time together. He is so good to me, taking me out for nice dinners, introducing me to his family and friends, even bringing me flowers on the monthly anniversary of the day we met 6 months ago.

He’s even told me he loves me and I do love him but I’m not sure I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I was in a marriage that started out like this and as time went on just went to pot and ended badly with my ex having an affair.

So a part of me loves being with him and part of me is scared s***less. I am scared the bloom will fall off the rose like it did in my 30 year marriage and I’ll be right back where I was before I started dating David….sad, alone and lonely.

So do I cut him loose and spend some time just healing? Do I continue and see where it goes? I know this seems silly since he is such a great guy and I know many women would love to have a man like this but maybe a part of me just feels I messed up my marriage so badly that I don’t deserve this second chance. Donna

Donna,

It sounds like you love this man but are afraid of another failed relationship.

When we marry young – and it sounds like you probably did if your marriage lasted 30 years – our relationships are usually pretty good in the beginning.

It’s a time of getting to know one another and exploring the world around us together.

Then the cycles of life come in and changes in the relationship start to happen…children, busy careers, aging parents and eventually the empty nest.

Men and women evaluate their lives at this point thinking maybe the grass is greener elsewhere and that’s what it sounds like happened here with your ex…leaving you alone, sad and lonely as a woman over 50.

I do believe partners come into our lives to help us heal our pasts.

It sounds like you’ve been given a second chance here… with a lovely man who loves you, treats you well and you say you love as well.

If the relationship feels good when you can set the fears aside, I’d stay and see where it goes. In the meantime, consider working with a therapist who can help you overcome the fear of repeating the same mistakes again.

This relationship is a gift that is giving you the power to create a different type of partnership…one that is full of love and one that can succeed.

Good luck. We’ll all be rooting for you!

Remember to catch my latest radio show, The 11 Types of Men To Date After 50, tonight at 9:00 Eastern/ 6:00 Pacific.

Until next time~

Believing in You!

Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .

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