Ever wonder what men think about looking for love after 50?
Recently, an over 50’s man named Lee reached out to me.
He asked if he could share with my community a blog he’d written about what it’s like to be a good guy in today’s over 50’s dating.
I read the blog and felt his insights might help you as you choose the men you want to meet.
I hope you’ll give it some thought and once you’ve read it that you’ll post what you think in the comments below.
From Lee……
My friend Jason 62, introduced me to his bride, age 58. They were beaming. Despite their cultural differences, they seemed a wonderful match.
Since Jason is hardly a world traveler, I asked him how this unlikely pairing came about.
“Since my divorce eight years ago, I haven’t had much luck connecting with American women my age. So I thought I’d try an International Dating Site.”
I asked Jason why he thought he hadn’t had much luck with American women. He shrugged his shoulders and said, “Well…..I guess the women I’ve met are really picky.”
Jason’s not alone. It’s a frequent complaint among men my age. I’ve complained about it myself.
If a single guy is tall, good-looking, confident, financially secure, successful in his career and endowed with the relaxed charisma of a gentleman who can wine and dine a lady, he may wonder, being a great catch, “What’s the problem with you guys? My calendar is filled with ladies who want to date me.”
But if he lacks some of these qualities, and many of us do, he may find it tougher going.
In a culture that values extraversion and charm, there are many “Jasons” who fail to make the grade.
We may, dating-wise, be America’s most undervalued resource.
We’d be blowing our horns to tick off our virtues, though since we’d be honest about them, we wouldn’t be boasting.
While somewhat lacking the assertive self-assurance you typically find in alpha males, we tend to be loyal and devoted to the women who engage our hearts.
When you talk to us, we listen.
You can feel that you’re the only woman in the world because, to us, you are.
Your heart can lean on us and we can bear its weight.
You’ll also see, early on, that we’ve worked on our issues and we inspire trust.
We’re emotionally healthy men who cherish women, and when we connect, we’re in it for the long haul.
And a woman’s looks, while not insignificant, are a secondary consideration so long as she cares for her health and well-being.
Still, we have our shortcomings.
Our good points, to our frustration, often land us in the friend zone.
We’re not the best candidates for the instant chemistry that gets and keeps you hooked.
Nor are we the kind to confront you with a here today but maybe not tomorrow affect that keeps you on your toes.
We’re reliable although, if we neglect to let our masculine energy flow, we’ve been told we’re dull.
And while good communication skills are essential in a relationship that has promise, a guy, if he’s not careful, can lose sight of the fact that it’s time to have some fun with a partner who is looking for the right man who can also trigger a spark of erotic adventure.
We’re living in the age of the empowered woman.
We’re all running to catch up with the changing times.
I see a lot of single women, fifty and older, who seem a bit frazzled and emotionally out of breath as they pause and look around, from the pinnacles of their hard-fought achievements, and go, “Where are all the quality men?”
You’ll find some of us on the mezzanine, but many of us are in the bargain basement.
Don’t be dissuaded by our basement location.
A bargain means better value than may be apparent on the surface.
I may not be able to fix your car, build shelves in your pantry or repair your computer glitch, but when you walk in the door, kick off your shoes, toss your bag on the chair and flop down on the sofa, I can pour us each a glass of wine, then settle down next to you.
I’m here to listen to you and laugh or cry as you share the highlights of your sometimes challenging, sometimes frustrating, sometimes joyfully exciting day.
I just wish you might give men like me a chance to make you happy. ~Lee
Believing in You!
Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .
💞 Feeling like you are on a merry-go-round of mismatched dates? Lets press pause and talk about how we can write a new love story for you. Click here to start our conversation. Tell me your story – I am here to listen and guide you towards meeting someone truly special.
If you are still gearing up for that step, I have plenty of insights and inspiration for you:
1. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for heartfelt dating wisdom and uplifting success stories from women who have been just where you are. They found love, and so can you. Click here to watch and learn.
2. Discover a new chapter in your dating life with my book, "The Winning Dating Formula." It is more than a book; it is your journey to love mapped out. And it is just a click away on Amazon. Click here and start attracting the love you deserve.
3. Join our Finding Love after 50 Facebook group to find camaraderie and connection. It is a warm and welcoming space to share your journey and receive support every step of the way. Click here to become part of our community.
4. On the lookout for a dating site that resonates with you? Browse through my personal selection of the best dating sites tailor-made for fabulous over 50s. Click here and say goodbye to guesswork.
Let these resources be your steppingstones to a love life filled with promise and joy. When you are ready, I am here to take that journey with you. Together, lets find your Mr. Right! 🌹
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Hi Lisa, Thanks for sharing. what he wrote is very true. But looking at it’s both way street. If a lady is pretty, attractive and young, they will get any guy. Have you noticed 99% of guys good or bad, handsome or ugly want someone young and pretty?
I love how Lee talked about the problems men over 50 are having in this new age dating cycle, Women have problems here too. Not every one is looking for an Alpha male. Betta’s are great too. Yes plenty of women look at how attractive a man is, then height, age, income, etc. I will say they are missing the most important part. Don’t go by the outer appearance so much, but delve into the inner person. That is where the beauty is found. Outer beauty fades, inner beauty remains. Aren’t goals, values, communication more important than just the physical appearance of someone?
I can commiserate with you. I find that many men have been burnt in a divorce and are not interested in accommodating a woman in their lives. I have also found that, despite having little to offer (out of shape, poor grooming, poor communication skills),they feel entitled to a Barbie. I guess we all dream. When I met my late husband there was no chemistry at all; he was the opposite of what my typical type was and 19 yrs older than I. I’m happy to say that giving him a chance was the best thing I ever did; we had 22 wonderful yrs!
Dear Lisa
Thank you for sharing this with your community .Its greatly appreciated. It’s seems very heartfelt and sincere .. If you’re interested I would love to reply to this directly to you versus posting a comment here..
Kind regards
Mary
Thanks for sharing this information. It can sure help any team.
I’ve met men like Lee and his buddy Jason. They can have a tendency to go find overseas mail order brides when they can’t seem to find a woman who won’t reject them. As open minded as I try to be, sometimes these guys are just too passive; which means an empowered woman they may date becomes exhausted from being in masculine energy too frequently. They call such women picky because their assumption is those women all want a handsome, charismatic Type A who will wine and dine them. Some women want that, but I prefer the middle ground; emotionally healthy/available/attentive, has his life in order and will be a partner to me. We share in decisions but sometimes one of us leads, based on our individual strengths. If such a man is average looking and can assert himself, I would absolutely give him a chance.
what I say to Lee is that if you are aware of your shortcomings, then why not work on them? As women, including those of us here, we appear to constantly be working on our self improvement in order to position ourselves to have the healthiest and happiest relationship possible. That work and that investment we are making in ourselves has to go both ways, in my opinion .
While a man like Lee sounds like a wonderful partner for a woman looking for her best friend, I still find attractiveness in a man who can do for me what I can’t do for myself – as in hang a shelf, fix my car, and bring some erotic energy to our connection. Otherwise, I can see a connection with someone Lee becoming very mundane and predictable over time. My girlfriends bring tremendous feminine energy to my life. I’m seeking a man to counter that with masculine energy. For some women, that may work. But for me, I don’t typically shop basement bargains because I don’t have the patience nor the energy to repair the small tears or replace missing buttons.
As accomplished women, we’ve raised ourselves up to the mezzanine through hard work and determination. In my opinion, its time that men, like Lee – who want to connect with women like us, put in the hard work and effort as well to be able to vibrate on our same frequency. His summary sounds like a bit of a cop out to me… he’s not willing to put in the work on his own self growth, but he wants to reap all the benefits as if he did .
All I’ve been thinking lately is can I order a mail order husband. That’s not a joke. Why do men get that luxury bet she was gorgeous and much younger than him….and women are the ones being picky! yeah right! The bb man he described I’ve had twice. Both times 23 and 17 years they were not show stopper in looks . I wanted a man with Character and honesty they had no money. The first one now owns a multi million dollar hydraulics company. He gave me the gift of Muscular dystrophy in both my kids dna until infinity. That’s a long story! The second had an insane ex wife for nutjob kids and a million dollars in debit. Once again I cared about Character and Trust etc…That man built his income up to 7 figures. I was madly in love again and he was my best friend and much like described in this man’s letter what seemed to be a good guy foot rubs etc…. He ended up being borderline personality disorder and moving an handjob hooker into our condo 28 years younger. As with both I got them help and moved on as opposed to staying for the money. So while mr. bargain basement may have a point I’ve had two of them and just got destroyed. Now I’m 60 and alone and and had been in 40 years of marriages between the two. I’m not cynical I’m just know that since birth I never screwed things up just those in it.
In his intro to the 2017 OK Cupid study on dating trends, the largest such study to date, Christian Rudder, OK Cupid’s founder, commented that “the average American woman has persuaded herself that 80% of American men aren’t good enough for her.”
If true, it should come as no surprise. Those on the way up frequently disdain those on the way own. Not everyone succumbs to this temptation, but those who do make an impression.
“As accomplished women, we’ve raised ourselves up to the mezzanine through hard work and determination…” We work for our self-improvement. Would that the other gender might.
Self-congratulation, regardless of gender, is an exercise in vanity that few who indulge it in seem the better for, including daters who may be susceptible to it, especially those who date online and rely on apps to ease the process, encountering, as they swipe, the paradox of choice. Past a certain point, choice prompts dissatisfaction as there’s always better to choose from in a sophisticated culture in which we’re free to love and leave each other with impunity or so we hope.
Which is to say that our longings and discontents are largely of our own making and that success in finding and keeping a loving partner comes down to what it always comes down to: care, kindness, respect, consideration, a brake on the tendency to overvalue ourselves and the strength of character to commit to another and, having done so, to stay the course.