Dear Lisa, Why Do They All Leave Me?
Dear Lisa,
I am very stressed with the journey of dating. I have met lot of men online and we talk but nothing happens. It has made me feel very tired and worn out. Recently I was supposed to have a date with a man from the UK. We have talked to each other for almost 5 months now but these days, he is really emotional to me and wants to leave me. He asked me to send a revealing picture to him but I said no. I will not do that and I need to respect my value on this and he said if I do not do that he will leave me.
So what should I do? Could you give some ideas? I feel very depressed now.
All the best, Sorphea
Sorphea,
It sounds like this man is Catfishing you. Catfishers are scammers who create an online identity to manipulate people into emotional and romantic relationships over a long period of time.
My number one rule for weeding out these types of men is to only email a couple of times, then talk on the phone no more than twice.
At this point if he hasn’t suggested you meet, move on. Cut off all contact with this man. He is wasting your time.
As long as you stay emotionally connected to the Catfisher, you are energetically blocking good men who could be potential suitors for you.
So block or report your Catfisher to the dating site, heal your wounds a bit, then get back online and look for a healthy man who wants to create the relationship you desire.
Dear Lisa,
I have been seeing a man for almost three months. He is very nice, treats me well, and would do anything for me. Basically what I am looking for. My problem is I am not all that attracted to him. Looks wise, he is not my type at all. I know looks aren’t everything but it sure does help. I am very confused as to what to do. I like him but don’t think I will fall in love with him. I am 51 so I know what I want in a man. It’s just finding the whole package. Any advice? DL
DL,
Sounds like you have a really good man here. How do you feel around him? Do you feel good? If so, are you blocking what you feel because he doesn’t have the look you believe you want?
Many women don’t realize that the man they are looking for is the man they remember from their 20’s and 30’s.
And going online is a bit like looking at your dad and granddad, isn’t it?
Get clear on what you want in a man and a relationship for the long haul.
How do you want to feel?
How do you want him to treat you?
Will looks remain the most important criteria for your relationship as time goes on?
Also ask yourself whether you’re compatible.
Do you have fun when you’re together?
Would you miss him if he broke this off?
See how your heart feels asking yourself these questions.
Then if the “attraction factor” still isn’t there…let him go so both of you can find partners who will be a better fit for what you want.
Lisa,
I have never married but I’ve dated for the past 40 years. Is your advice just for women who are divorced or widowed? I feel like I’ve done it all. Just checking if I missed something. Cindi
Cindi,
I’ve had many clients who never married work with me and create the dating life they desired.
They ended up having fun dating great guys using the same material women who have been married use.
I’ve found men and women who have never been married have an extremely narrow view of who they will date.
No one was ever good enough or perfect enough.
A lot of dating at this age is being open to the possibilities.
Both men and women do what I call take out ordering when it comes to dating.
They think a person has to fit a particular mold such as he must be fit, still have his hair, have a certain type of job or have a lot of money to make them happy.
None of that is true. What is true is how you feel around a man. Does he make you feel special? Does he want to make you happy? These are the types of questions that will change your dating life forever.
Wishing you a year of great success finding a great guy!
You can ask a question for my next Dear Lisa column right here.
Until next time~
Believing in You!
Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .
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Lisa –
I agree with you about being on the lookout for “Catfishers”. However, some men are shy, and need a little suggestion or two to move forward with dating. For example, I’ve had to make the suggestion that a certain gentleman and I talked, and then I had to make the suggestion we meet at a local coffee house.
Although this relationship didn’t work out for us, he’s now seeing a girlfriend of mine – and things are going very well for them. And I’ve learned that sometimes, I have to make the first move.
Christine
Hi Christine…Leading a man towards what you’d like is fine. The key is doing it in a feminine way and not taking his role away from him. Thanks for sharing your story. Hopefully using everything you’re learning here, you’ll find the right man for you too!
Lisa’s RIGHT.
1st: when meeting online, don’t stay there; get OFF!
2nd: I’m a never-married, never-engaged, never-cohabitated woman. I’ve taken at least one of Lisa’s classes and found what she offers to be incredibly useful. This is why I still frequent her blog.
3rd: At 51, I’ve just begun spending time with a man who isn’t my type At ALL, save for some easy characteristics (e.g., he happens to be tall and physically proportionate, never requirements for me before).
Men and their attractiveness can grow on women. I’ve found this guy (every other woman’s type, it seems, lol) has grown on me, given his willingness to help me, feed me, care for, and comfort me. He’s also pretty strong and outspoken for a younger (yep!) man; he’s also had a world-sized (vs. parochial, insular) life, as the son of immigrant parents. After months of being platonic, we finally crossed into physical/romantic territory recently. It was great and I felt SAFE there, for the first time in at least a decade.
Thank you for the compliment Hermione. i’m glad you are using what you’re learning here. That’s the key to successful dating. And I’m so happy to hear you’ve found someone who makes you feel the way you do with him. Keep us posted on how it’s going!!!!!