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Dear Lisa
I had been seeing a man for a year and a half; it started out as a Friends with Benefits relationship but after about 8 months, the emotions starting changing.
He would text me constantly from morning to night and we both saw the change from FWB to something more. I saw it early on and really liked it. He spent every chance he could at my home and we watched movies, TV, and sports together. In our conversations-he shared so much of his life with me.
When I was sick and unable to get around he was there for me every day. The sex we shared was great. He taught me a lot.
Then one day he just stopped coming around or texting and I had no idea what happened. I have tried texting him with no replies.
Then I get a message from my girl friend telling me that he is spending his time with her and proclaiming his love and she is showing pictures of him and her at different functions.
Can you help me understand what happened?
Signed Confused and Hurt
Dear Confused and Hurt
Unfortunately what happened to you is a common fallout of a Friends with Benefits relationship especially for women.
As women, our hearts bond with men when we have a physical relationship with them.
Yet, a man’s heart does not need to be connected when he is in a physical relationship with you and that’s why a man is able to walk away so easily when he’s done.
It’s a fun casual relationship for him with a LOT OF BENEFITS while he’s in it!
It is possible you took this to the next level in your heart from his signals.
Men love the emotional connection they have with a woman and remember this man was your friend. That is part of why he probably took care of you when you were sick.
And it sounds like the chemistry was great for both of you and that’s why the sex felt so good.
But, when one person starts falling for the other, a conversation needs to happen to see if both of you are still on the same relationship page.
Unless a man expresses the desire to be in a long-term relationship with you, he isn’t feeling like you are the “One” for him and he will leave when he’s done.
Sadly that’s what this man did…leaving your heart in crumbled pieces as he moved on to your girlfriend (who by the way is far from a true friend sending you pictures of the two of them together).
The reason he dropped out of sight is men don’t like to hurt women and in his mind…ignoring your texts meant he wasn’t hurting you.
Of course he did and you felt hurt…but he didn’t see it that way.
Due to the heart bonding we feel with men we become intimate with, women are usually the big losers in Friends with Benefits relationships as the men they fall for move on.
Dear Lisa
My friend and I have a bet. Who should say I Love You first-the man or the woman? I say either, she says the man. Who is right here?
Leanna
Leanna
Sorry to tell you this…. you lost your bet…. your friend is right.
The man should always be the first to say I Love You… because that’s his way of telling you he is interested in being with you in a committed relationship. It’s then up to you to decide if you want this as well.
This is part of why men think women have all the power in the dating arena. A man is so afraid of your rejection of him. So if a man ever say’s I Love You and you don’t love him back…be kind since he made himself totally vulnerable to express his feelings for you.
Want to know more about how men think? It’s a huge key to dating success and there is a whole chapter devoted to “How Men Think” in the Find A Quality Man Home Study System™.
Click here to learn more
Until next time-
Believing in You!
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As a counselor, I have seen this dynamic happen to women over and over. Your advice is spot on, Lisa!
Thank you Barbara!
This is a very good tip particularly to those fresh to the blogosphere.
Simple but very precise info Many thanks for sharing this one.
A must read article!
Thank you. So glad you enjoyed it!