Dear Lisa
I’ve been online dating for a couple of months and it feels like the only thing most of these men really want is sex. They start texting me and what happens is it goes right to “what am I wearing?” I don’t even know the guy and he wants to know what I’m wearing! What’s up with that? I had another guy start in with what a good kisser he is and what he could do to me. I just don’t get it. What can I do about this? Help Janelle
Janelle
What these men are doing is called “sexting” and chances are your single kids are doing this big time. It’s like the mating call of the 21st century.
What men don’t understand is that most women our age get turned off by “sexting” especially when it’s with a man you haven’t even met…it goes back to the days when you were supposed to be the good girl not the “sexually crazed” bad one.
What women don’t understand is that men are very visual and his first attraction to you will be based on sex and whether or not he wants to sleep with you.
Sex is first in a man’s mind…it’s the way he connects with you.
As a woman, you want to fall in love first or at least in “like” with a man before you begin to think about having sex with him.
This is a classic example of a “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” situation with each of us speaking a different language when it comes to love and sex.
It is a compliment but one that can feel yucky to a woman.
You want to be respected by men and this direction feels disrespectful to you especially when it happens right away with him pawing at you in person or “sexting” you before you’ve met.
It’s ok to say…this doesn’t feel good to me right now.
If he doesn’t stop….let him know you aren’t interested and move on to someone who will still want sex but will be more patient and respectful about how it’s introduced.
Are you finding yourself in dating situations you could use help with …but aren’t sure where or who to turn to for answers? You don’t have to suffer alone anymore…trying to figure out what’s keeping you from finding a Quality Man in your life. I can help you! Click this link to schedule a Complimentary Find Your Soul Mate Session…. www.findaqualityman.com/coaching
Dear Lisa
I just turned 50 this year and it was rough. So I was so excited when a 40 year old guy contacted me online. We emailed a little then exchanged phone numbers. Next thing I know, he sends me a picture of his…I’m embarrassed to even say it…his “private parts.” I was appalled. Who does this? It was disgusting! I immediately cut off contact with him but it’s bothered me since the day it happened. Why did he do this? Karen
Karen
Like the letter above, this is a misunderstanding by a man of what usually turns a woman on especially women of our generation.
You see…exchanging pictures of each other’s private parts is a turn on to him so he thinks it is for you too.
What he doesn’t realize… is this type of exchange is not necessarily doing anything other than freaking you out.
If you decide you want to play in the sandbox with him and send pictures back…it’s ok as long as you’re comfortable with it.
But do be wary of sending images of your private parts via today’s technology… unless you want to risk finding yourself on the internet as the next over 50’s pinup girl when a relationship sours.
Dear Lisa
I slept with a man on a first date. We just had so much chemistry as we sat talking that night. Like off the charts! We cuddled for a while and then when he was ready to leave, he gave me a long slow kiss then said he would give me a call but hasn’t. I don’t get it….how can a man sleep with a woman one day and not call back the next? Holly
Holly
Every dating challenge creates an opportunity to learn more about yourself and about the men you date so I’m glad you asked this question because it’s one that’s happened to a lot of women. You are NOT ALONE!
It’s so easy to beat yourself up when something like this takes place. I hope you will stop once you understand what really happened on your date.
Let’s face it, sometimes your hormones can just take over and that’s why it’s important to make SEXUAL AND PERSONAL SAFETY a priority when you are dating.
When this situation happens, it’s because you’ve probably spent too much time on a first date sharing details about your lives with each other.
This creates a false sense of closeness and can lead to lots of kissing and touching.
Then with hormones raging, and feeling emotionally close after so much talking and sharing with a man, you end up making the choice to have sex with him.
And what occurs? You end up bonding with him.
What gets a woman into trouble is you believe he his is bonding with you too.
All a man has to do is feel sexually attracted to have sex with you. That’s it!
He doesn’t bond and that’s why he can have a one night stand and walk away so easily. To him it was just pleasurable sex.
Try and forgive yourself and view the whole thing as a learning experience.
Have a plan in mind should this situation happen again.
Then as soon as you are ready, get yourself back out there and start dating again.
I would love to answer your dating questions and challenges in future blogs.
You can submit them by clicking here….
Until next time~
Believing in You!
Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .
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