Why ‘Dear Jane’ Texts are so hurtful and what to do if you get one!
Before we get to today’s blog, I wanted to make sure you were able to listen in on “The 6 Love Codes” that work for conscious women to attract a high-quality life partner and create lasting love.
Cool thing is you can start listening right away to this FREE Training from Arielle Ford and Claire Zammit by clicking this link. The 6 Love Codes
Now onto today’s blog….
Don’t you just love technology and the way your cell phone has the ability to text someone anytime from anywhere?
Making plans is so easy via text or email.
You can do it quickly and efficiently without spending hours on the phone gabbing about the same things you’d talk about anyway when you got together.
It seems as though texting has also become the modern way of ending relationships in the 21st century.
It’s the new Dear John/ Dear Jane way for ending the connection with someone you’ve been dating.
Instead of a letter, it’s now done with a text.
I know because it happened to me when I was dating.
I met a man named Matt online.
He and I really hit it off.
It’s embarrassing to admit but he was the first guy I ever dated where my knees nearly buckled when I’d see him…he was one gorgeous hunk to look at.
Our dating relationship was easy and fun.
We could talk for hours about anything and everything.
He was one of those guys that knew when something was wrong just from hearing the sound of my voice.
I thought that was pretty cool!
I travelled a lot during our short time together.
We kept in touch over the phone and in our last conversation, he told me how much he missed me and how he couldn’t wait until the next time we’d be together.
So imagine my surprise when I arrived home two days later and received this text:
“Hi Lisa- I’ve enjoyed our time together but I feel we got too close too fast. I really like you but I need some space. I’ll call you in a few weeks. Matt”
I was stunned and I was pissed.
I had no clue why he was blowing me off when only days earlier, he had professed such care and concern for my well being.
But blow me off he did and in the most impersonal way possible.
I was hurt and emotionally devastated.
I texted him back hoping he would tell me why he was ending our relationship.
Of course, he didn’t answer.
Sadly, texting has become the new way to break up.
For the person who wants to split, it’s easy and drama free.
No having to answer the question: Why?
No seeing or hearing how the breakup may have hurt someone’s feelings.
Just a quick good bye and the relationship is done.
For the person on the receiving end, it’s tough.
There’s no closure and you have no idea why they wanted to end it.
If this happens to you, the best thing you can do is close the book on this chapter of your dating life.
Don’t stalk him on Facebook.
Don’t waste your energy waiting for him to call you again.
Instead get back out into the dating world and look for someone who’s a better fit for you.
As hard as it is to get a Dear Jane text, keep in mind that when one door closes a much better one can open.
I know it did for me and it can for you too!
Until next time-
Believing in You!
Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .
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1. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for heartfelt dating wisdom and uplifting success stories from women who have been just where you are. They found love, and so can you. Click here to watch and learn.
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Dear Lisa,
Thank you for publishing this along with your good suggestions.
I had a similar experience. Outwardly I’ve maintained my poise but inside I feel entirely baffled and somehow rather ashamed. Do you have a few words of help, please?
Thank you,
Pat
Pat…when someone does this to you, it takes away your power. To become empowered again, you want to heal your wounds and get back out there and date. Sometimes you need help to do that from either a therapist or coach. Shame can take you down.The thing is you did nothing wrong. You might want to look at Brenee Brown’s work on Amazon. Her book is all about overcoming shame. I think it would be helpful to you. Hugs to you~
You’re soooo right; it does hurt. My last rship ended this way; after a year and a half. The Dear Jane letter also included that I was being replaced after being overlapped as though to behave thus was the most normal thing in the world. Went no contact ASAP and have remained so ever since.
Sorry to hear that happened to you. Sadly in todays world of technology replacing human contact, this has become more common. Work through your grief and hurt then get back out there and play in the dating world again. There are good men out there to date. Hugs to you~