What Does Oxygen Combined With Hydrogen Make? Dating Chemistry!

As a twice divorced woman in my mid 50’s, I found myself back in the dating world yet again after my second divorce.  Hubby #1 and I met in college but hubby #2 and I met at an online dating site.  

Online Dating does work and I chose a very nice man to marry.  We just married for all the wrong reasons.

The love we shared continuously tugged at my heart.  I’d never felt this way before.  Although I could see his shortcomings, the “chemistry” between us was so intense that I totally overlooked any negative issues, excusing them as behaviors that would somehow change as the result of our love over time.

You see, when hubby #2 and I first met, there was this instant chemistry between us. Sparks flew everywhere. 

Its intensity was so strong that within six weeks of meeting each other, we were already planning a wedding. Saying good-bye was so difficult and left me in tears every time we parted ways.  I couldn’t stand being without him at my side and I couldn’t wait until the day we would live together as husband and wife.

If you read enough online profiles, you will see that most men are looking for “CHEMISTRY” as the barometer for success on a first date.  Everyone wants to fall in love the minute they set eyes on each other and that is exactly what we had happen to us! 

Our first coffee date turned from a half hour meet and greet into an 8-hour marathon.  The energetic vibes between us were magnified.  Have you ever felt like you knew someone the second you met them?  Within minutes, I felt like I’d known him my entire life.

Some chemistry is a good thing.  You absolutely do need to click on certain levels.  You need to have enough in common to keep things moving forward.  But first dates are so awkward that it’s hard to click really well when you first meet.  It takes time to develop a true relationship.  And it takes conversation, lots of it and it takes playing together as a couple with activities, friends and families to see if anything is really there.

Instant, intense, chemistry like I had with hubby #2, keeps the natural progression of the “getting to know each other” process from happening.  The chemistry gives you a false sense of being in love when it turns out what you are really in is lust.  We found ourselves feeling what we thought was love for each other so by date #3,  it wasn’t surprising when the “L” word appeared.

After knowing each other for only a year, we were married.  The intense chemistry between us was still going strong and we were still having a lot of great sex but we were always angry at each other.  Neither of our needs were being met due to his inability to communicate well.  Yes, that was the red flag I overlooked and thought would correct itself over time.

As 2 years wore on, the chemistry never wore off. But, our arguments got more intense and began wearing on each of us.  Without, a friendship, there was nothing to keep the marriage solid.  When we separated, I could still feel a strong tug at my heart and it took a while to stop wanting his physical presence in my life.

Although this was such a painful period in my life, I did learn a lot. I realized that a relationship truly needs to develop at a slower pace and that its most important quality is the friendship that develops with time between two people.  As we age, sex can wane.  It is the friendship, the similar values and the fun you share with another person that holds a relationship together.

If you find yourself in a situation where blinding chemistry shows up between you and a potential partner, take a deep breath and as hard as it will be, slow it down and give yourself a chance to see if the two of you can work beyond the intense attraction.  Learn from my mistakes.  Divorce is hard on everyone and messy whether you’ve been married 24 years or 2.

If you have a first date with a man and you feel like there is no chemistry, try going out again and see if it develops over time. Often it will and it’s this slow building type of chemistry that will create a lasting and enduring relationship between you and a “Quality Man”.  And that is what we all really want don’t you think?

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship that began with intense chemistry?  Did it last?  I hope you will share your stories by posting them below. I look forward to hearing from you. 

Until next time-

Believing in You!

Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .

💞 Feeling like you are on a merry-go-round of mismatched dates? Lets press pause and talk about how we can write a new love story for you. Click here to start our conversation. Tell me your story – I am here to listen and guide you towards meeting someone truly special.

If you are still gearing up for that step, I have plenty of insights and inspiration for you:

1. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for heartfelt dating wisdom and uplifting success stories from women who have been just where you are. They found love, and so can you. Click here to watch and learn.

2. Discover a new chapter in your dating life with my book, "The Winning Dating Formula." It is more than a book; it is your journey to love mapped out. And it is just a click away on Amazon. Click here and start attracting the love you deserve.

3. Join our Finding Love after 50 Facebook group to find camaraderie and connection. It is a warm and welcoming space to share your journey and receive support every step of the way. Click here to become part of our community.

4. On the lookout for a dating site that resonates with you? Browse through my personal selection of the best dating sites tailor-made for fabulous over 50s. Click here and say goodbye to guesswork.

Let these resources be your steppingstones to a love life filled with promise and joy. When you are ready, I am here to take that journey with you. Together, lets find your Mr. Right! 🌹

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