Are You Training Men NOT To Help You?
Last year I was on a plane to California.
I was struggling trying to lift my bag into the overhead compartment.
A man standing behind me said, “Can I help you with that?”
I looked at him, smiled with relief and gladly said YES!
I was so grateful he came along because I was beginning to worry I might drop my overfilled suitcase on the head of the lady sitting right below the overhead bin.
This kind man took my suitcase and lifted it up as if it was light as a feather.
I thanked him and told him how much I appreciated his help.
(I’m sure that lady was grateful to him as well because she’d been looking at me with fear in her eyes and her hands over her head before this man had stepped up)
At this point in the story, magic happened as it always does when you thank and appreciate a man.
His whole body puffed up with pride and joy and I truly believe if there’d been room in that aisle, he’d have strutted his stuff down to his seat in the way only men can do.
And it’s all because a woman allowed him to help her and expressed gratitude for what he’d done.
Before working with me, many of my clients with successful careers would have told this kind man, “No thank you, I can do it myself.”
And I guarantee that man’s whole body would have caved in from being pushed away from something he was wired to do and that is to help you.
Learning to balance the fine line of doing it all yourself and allowing someone to help you is one of the biggest problems my clients face.
Why? Because they’re calling the shots all day long and they think they’ll look weak if they let a man help them.
The problem is when you don’t let a man help you you’re training him to do less for you and you’re losing his co-operation.
And a man’s co-operation is something you need and want especially in a relationship.
When I work with clients, I always ask them to think about how they can make space in their lives to need a man.
(Want to know more about how my clients are attracting, meeting, and keeping the right man even during this pandemic and how you can too? Apply for a Complimentary Love Breakthrough Call Session with me by clicking here and let’s see what’s been holding you back and what you need to do to make this dream come true.)
Men are wired to fix for you and to keep you safe, protected, and provided for.
This makes men feel needed.
If there is one takeaway from today’s blog, I want you to really get it, it’s that men need to feel needed.
If a man doesn’t feel needed, he moves on.
When I share this concept with my professional alpha clients they get silent because they can’t imagine what this would feel like.
For so long they’ve had to do everything for themselves.
They tell me they’re tired of doing it all alone and they’d love to have a partner who could do some of the heavy-lifting both physically and emotionally.
In the past, many of them had been married to Beta males who expected these women to make all the decisions in their relationship.
Over time, this exhausted them and they began dreaming of the Alpha Male who would come into their lives and just take over.
Not as easy as it seems.
To make room for an Alpha Male to come into your life, you have to be willing to let men help you.
It means allowing yourself to receive from men.
That means making space in your life for a man to feel needed by you in some way.
So here’s your homework….
- Give some thought as to why you would need a man in your life…not just why you want him.
- An easy way to learn to receive is to start asking men for their help on a daily basis whether it’s opening the door for you or picking up something you dropped
- Thank and appreciate men when they help you and watch their body language shift before your eyes.
I want to share this quick note with you and it’s similar to many I’ve gotten from men who just want to make you happy.
Thank you Lisa for giving women several important guideposts in breaching the gulf between women and men. It is so refreshing to see a relationship expert who has an understanding of what men want and need and writes it in a direct and understandable way that women can use. I find your blogs very helpful to me, and very sound advice to those of us trying to navigate the “mature” dating scene. John, Indiana
Would love to hear your thoughts.
Believing in You!
Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .
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I have read your book and recently started seeing a man I met online and am re-read your suggestions. I will add this one to my head. I am an Alpha female, who is trying very hard to learn how to be a beta female to an Alpha male. Thank you, you have changed many of my ideas on dating. I love Dating for Dating and not just looking for Mr. Right. Again, thank you.
Thanks Lisa. This article is something I struggle with every day, a woman who has learned to count on no one to take care of Martha. I can do it myself attitude. I am working hard at accepting help from others, attempting to change one step at a time.