5 Signs You Might Be Addicted To A Man and What You Can Do About It
Back in my 40’s, I thought I loved a man who turned out to be so wrong for me.
We’d broken up at least 3 times during the two and a half years we were together.
But while apart, an intense longing for the other would occur.
It was only a matter of time before we’d come back together celebrating a harmonious honeymoon truce.
But, it wouldn’t take long for the problems that created the break up to reappear.
Finally after two and a half years I said ENOUGH….We’re DONE!
I knew we didn’t belong together but I was not prepared for how hard it would be to let go of him.
Even though I was the one who ended the relationship, I still felt so connected because every time I thought about him, my body was releasing Oxytocin, the bonding hormone which created the physical addiction I had to this man.
It took almost a year to break this hormonal addiction!
I don’t want you to have to go through what happened to me and that’s why I want to share 5 signs that will help you identify whether or not you are addicted to a man and what you can do to break the cycle if this is happening in your life.
Sign #1 – Oxytocin creates a high that is often mistaken for love.
Normally, women experience the bonding that comes from Oxytocin for up to 2 weeks after being intimate with a man.
If you’re addicted, you can trigger it every time you think about him or see his picture.
When Oxytocin is released, its like getting a hit.
It stops the longing and makes you feel connected all over again which feels good when you are in a relationship but really plays games with your head once you’ve broken up and want to disconnect.
Sign #2 – Ask yourself what you really love about a man you feel an intense connection with.
I loved this man but truthfully, we were so different that my friends would even say why are you with him?
I kept coming back to the relationship because it felt so good when I was around him.
You want to share similiar values with a man and you want to feel emotionally safe which is pretty hard to feel when you are breaking up every 10 seconds.
Sign #3 – Next, ask yourself what you don’t love about him.
We kept breaking up for a reason.
We had very little in common and there was a great deal I didn’t like about him including deal breakers I didn’t honor hoping he’d change for me.
By the way, when you don’t honor your deal breakers you are settling.
Sign #4 – Ask yourself if what he brings to the table is enough for the type of relationship you want to create with him.
Other than the Oxytocin high, almost everything else in this type of relationship feels annoying, irritating and unsolvable.
That’s because the relationship doesn’t have enough to sustain it beyond the hormones keeping it together.
Sign #5 – What you can do to overcome the addiction…
The longing will come back, but with it, you’ll also feel a sense of freedom from being out from under a relationship that isn’t working.
An Oxytocin addiction can stay with you for years.
To break it, start by acknowledging this is occurring.
Stop all contact with the man by phone, email, Facebook and in person… Otherwise, the addiction starts all over again.
You can do it, but it takes time.
Be kind to yourself especially when you’re feeling frustrated because the addiction isn’t ending fast enough.
Plan activities you can do that make you feel good.
Get some friends together to be your support group.
You will feel like a freak at times but know you aren’t alone.
This happens to normal people all the time.
The key is identifying it so you can take the steps needed to overcome the Oxytocin high and move on.
You can learn more about over 50’s Dating in my Amazon Best Selling Book….The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50.
“Lisa’s book the Winning Dating Formula For Women over 50 has the ability to change dating despair into dating hope for women over 50. She’ll help you discover your innate magnificence that results in meeting men and making dating fun!” Sarah, Ohio
Until next time~
Believing in You!
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This is happening to me. We just had our 30th breakup….I know I am totally embarrassed to say that. One should google SOCIOPATH. I have received great help from and institute that just handles Sociopath/psychopathic relationships. It is harder than anyone can understand to get out of one of these relationships. It is far more than masters of manipulation. I am still trying and intend to be successful this time! It takes time.
Hi Donna
Thank you for sharing such a difficult situation in your life. Some men are sociopaths but not all. An addiction to a man is a chemical reaction from bonding with him. It sounds like you may have both situations going on with the bonding chemical and a problem man. Good luck to you. I hope you’ll keep me posted. Lots of hugs your way. Lisa
this was really good advise; I’ve forwarded it to my daughter and several friends
thanks Lisa
Thank You Theresa. Glad you found this so helpful. It’s a very common problem that most women don’t know how to handle.