5 Tips for Avoiding the Heartbreak from Ghosting in Over 50’s Dating
According to Urban Dictionary, the definition of Ghosting is . . . “The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date.”
A real life definition is . . . you and I meet, we have amazing chemistry, we hang out, have awesome sex, I bond to you and you disappear ultimately breaking my heart.
You don’t answer my calls or texts and I am so confused and concerned.
Are you hurt?
Did I do something wrong?
We were making plans and now you’re gone.
Sadly, ghosting happens all the time now.
Before the Internet, when people met via a fix up by friends, no one would have even thought to disappear like they do today.
Their reputation was at stake and they didn’t want to face the judgment of their friends.
It’s likely they’d have done the proper thing and said… “I think we aren’t a match.”
You’d have had closure, maybe some tears but you’d have known why the relationship was ending.
In today’s cyber world, no one is holding anyone accountable so it’s easy to disappear.
Men think by not answering your texts or calls, they are NOT hurting your feelings.
What they don’t realize is you hurt even more because you have no idea what caused the rift and no way to fix it.
You can’t totally prevent this from happening but I want to give you some warning signs that can help you recognize you’re headed for trouble with the wrong man when they appear.
Warning Sign #1 is Chemistry . . . and I mean hot can’t take your hands off each other and the sex is so amazing
Chemistry keeps the friendship you need in a relationship from happening.
The intimacy bonds you quickly to each other keeping you from seeing who someone really is until it’s too late.
Stay aware that having hot sex early in the game feels great but is a huge warning sign you might be getting involved with the wrong man for you.
Warning Sign #2 is . . . He won’t commit to being exclusive with you.
You bring up the let’s be exclusive conversation and he comes back with something like, “we are having so much fun, let’s just see where it goes.”
You agree to it because you’re bonding with him every time you have sex and you are in major lust with him.
Stay aware that he’s telling you exactly how he feels; he’s about the fun not about having a relationship with you.
Warning Sign #3 . . . You find yourself feeling more clingy and needy because you don’t how you fit into his life.
You want to have the talk about the relationship and where it’s headed.
Instead of being honest about his feelings, he just disappears.
Why? Because he doesn’t want to get involved in some type of confrontation with you about how to improve a relationship that doesn’t exist in his mind.
Warning Sign #4 . . . You start talking ‘future talk’ and he goes silent.
He knows there’s no future.
He’s just in this for the fun.
He stays silent when you talk about the future then disappears versus “hurting your feelings.”
Warning Sign #5 . . . He tries to end it but you draw him back into the relationship because you’ve bonded and you miss him so much when you’re apart.
At this point, he feels like you’re not hearing him so instead of going through the drama of another breakup with you he just disappears.
Really listen to what men are saying to you.
They mean what they say.
Keep these 5 Warning Signs tucked away in a place where you can quickly find them.
They can save you from heartbreak with getting involved with the wrong man in the future.
Have you been ghosted? Hope you’ll share your story with me in clicking on the comment button below.
Need more help finding your Mr. Right? Click this link to find out more how to find love after 50. The 4 Secrets to Mr. Right.
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HA! I was ghosted 2 weekends ago. Made an connection online with the “perfect on paper” guy. We met for drinks then moved on to dinner, thoroughly enjoying each other’s company for a total of about 4 hours – great first date. When our time together wrapped up, he said to me “let’s do this again soon”. I said I’d like that. We then parted company, and just after I got home a text came from him asking if I’d gotten home safely (I replied yes, thanks for asking), and he again said let’s get together again soon. I’m thinking this great guy is really into me and I am so excited, because I am into him too! Two weeks have passed – not so much as a peep from him. Why can’t a guy simply say “I had a nice evening with you, thank you” and leave it at that?
Hi Sara…you can always text a guy a couple of days after a date and say….Hope you are having a great week. Or if its hot where you live…hope you’re staying cool. Men do need encouragement to ask you out again. This will do that. If he doesn’t respond this time, I’d say bye-bye and move on.
Guys on paper are who they want to be not necessarily who they are. Keep dating. It really is a numbers game. Hugs~
As a man who has not had a sex partner in 14 years, I can understand the desire to hop into bed together at the first opportunity, but I have also experienced relationships end almost immediately after the first sex. Maybe I am weird, but the best part of sex to me is cuddling together after the sex act (an activity that does not happen until after safety and the relationship have had time to develop). To me sex before safety and the relationship have developed speaks poorly of both the man and woman and signifies lack of personal integrity (a quality required for a long term relationship).
Ghosting was standard hiring practice at the Boeing Corporation. After months of pre-interview forms and the high pressure Boeing interview; if Boeing was not giving you an offer, you never heard from them again. The “legal argument” was to prevent hiring discrimination law suits. As a hiring candidate, the ghosting represented lack of corporate integrity and corporate professionalism by the Boeing Corporation.
FWB sex is acceptable provided both persons agree to FWB sex days before the sex act. By definition there is no ghosting following FWB sex.
There should never be ghosting in a relationship. Relationship closure is/was a society accepted norm. I still firmly believe in relationship closure.
Nice to hear from a man who loves cuddling. Hope you find that special woman who will appreciate this awesome quality in you PJ. Hugs~
I dunno, Lisa…the one time I WAS ghosted was by a guy with whom I had DOZENS of mutual friends/acquaintances. I had seen him & chatted with him for months before we started dating. We went out for about 3 months. Then one weekend he stood me up, would not answer my text and FB messages (then blocked me) and went around telling our friends that it was MY fault although he refused to say why. After a short while, he graduated to stalking me via text message, telling me not to go to any event in our group or he would have me arrested for stalking HIM. He said everybody would side with him, because he was such a “great guy” – and he was right. This went on for 6 months. It took a long time til the truth about him came out and people began to welcome me back into the fold.
Hi Marilyn…that’s a tough situation to be in. I’m glad that your friends saw the light about this guy. Just curious what attracted you to him? Did he show signs of being off while you were dating? Hugs~
Ha, this seems to happen all the time around me! I have already given up hope ever to find a partner again but feel sorry for my friends who experience heartbreaks all the time.
Thank you for this post – I shared it with my friends <3
Alli
I’m sorry to hear you’ve given up Alli. There are lots of really good men out there who want a relationship with you. Watch for a 5 Day Success Challenge I’m offering later this week. I feel it can help you make some mindset shifts that could get you out there dating again.
Hugs~