4 Tips for Trusting Men Again After Being Hurt in the Over 50’s Dating Game
It hurts when a relationship ends especially when betrayal is involved in some way.
When a man has lied to you and betrayed your trust, picking up the pieces and moving forward can feel daunting.
You may feel shame for not having seen the signs that something was amiss.
Or you may feel angry with yourself for having allowed a man into your life who had the capacity to break your heart.
It’s likely you’ve stopped trusting yourself and trusting men, therefore, making them jump hoops to prove they aren’t going to hurt you.
You begin looking for perfection; which by the way doesn’t exist.
And no man ever feels good enough in your eyes.
What’s happening is fear starts holding you back as you try to keep yourself safe from getting hurt again.
To help you open up to men again, I’d like to share 4 tips that can help you learn to trust men and yourself again so you can have the man and relationship in your life you desire.
Tip #1 Healing and Forgiving
Take some time to heal when you’ve been hurt.
It’s painful to think you played a part in attracting someone who could be so bad for you.
But you did and the best way to start the healing process is through the forgiveness of yourself.
There is an amazing healing practice called Ho’opononpono that I’ve used with clients to help heal the pain in their hearts.
It’s really simple.
You think of the pain you’re feeling then repeat these 4 simple sentences while focusing on forgiveness…
I love you
I’m sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
You say them over and over again until you feel a release happen. The practice of Ho’opononpono is an amazing story worth Googling.
Its healing powers are well documented.
Remember as long as you hold anger towards yourself or a man from your past, you are still connected and that keeps you from moving forward in your life.
If you find you’re having trouble letting go of a man from your past, you might want to reach out to a therapist before you decide to date again.
Tip #2 One bad man, doesn’t make all men bad
All of my clients learn about a tool called The Trust Glasses.
The Trust Glasses help you identify how you view the men you want to date.
There are 3 pairs.
The first is the Rose-Colored Glasses where you see only the good in men and are shocked when things end up badly.
The next is the grey stormy pair.
When you wear these, you’re looking at men with the mindset that a man is going to hurt you until he proves otherwise.
You end up making a man jump hoops over to prove his worthiness because you’re afraid he might hurt you.
Wearing this pair, you could end up losing out on a potential partner who might be perfect for you because you can’t see the good.
The third pair is the turquoise glasses.
These glasses are like a calm Caribbean ocean where you can see beautiful fish swimming close to the surface yet also see the bottom and any dangers that might be lurking.
With the turquoise glasses, you go on a date to meet someone new and interesting.
You’ll take your time before creating a relationship.
You observe how a man acts around you and whether his actions consistently follow his words.
Words are cheap. Actions are what count and men who don’t follow up on their words are the ones who will break your heart.
Tip #3 Really listen to what a man is saying to you
If a man shares stories about having cheated on his wife or another girlfriend, end it right then and there.
This is a huge red flag that spells TROUBLE.
If he did it once, he can do it again but this time you’ll be the one who gets hurt.
I can’t tell you the number of clients who tell me in hindsight that they walked right past these types of words thinking this man would never cheat on them yet he almost always does.
Men mean what they say.
Pay attention. If you listen to what they say, you’ll know you can trust yourself to make the best decision for you.
Tip #4 Get clear on the values that are important to you
I have my clients identify their top 15-20 values when we create their Quality Man Template, a tool that helps them identify the right man for them.
What’s so interesting about this is when they look back they are often shocked at how many values were missing in the men they’d dated.
For a relationship to work, you need to share the same values.
Knowing your top 10-15 values will empower you and will help you trust and recognize whether or not you’re with the right man.
In a Relationship Thanks to Coaching With Lisa
Working with Lisa in her VIP program and continuing as a private client has been invaluable! For me, creating the Quality Man Template was illuminating. It allowed me to discover what I wanted in a man and a relationship at this time of my life. I have learned how to “talk to men” in a way that makes them feel what I am intending(and allows my softer side to come out)… I never knew I was emasculating them. The on-line profile I created with Lisa worked beautifully; no scammers, lots of dates and the process helped me feel more at ease and confidant. I am currently in a relationship, which is fun and perfect for ME, at this time. I will continue to work with Lisa because I have lots more growing and learning to do. I couldn’t have done it without her guidance and wisdom. Thank you! Karen, Seattle
I’d love to help you find the right man to share your life with. If you’d like to know more about either group or private coaching, just reply YES to this email and we’ll set up a time to talk about how these programs can help you find love after 50!
Believing in You!
Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .
💞 Feeling like you are on a merry-go-round of mismatched dates? Lets press pause and talk about how we can write a new love story for you. Click here to start our conversation. Tell me your story – I am here to listen and guide you towards meeting someone truly special.
If you are still gearing up for that step, I have plenty of insights and inspiration for you:
1. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for heartfelt dating wisdom and uplifting success stories from women who have been just where you are. They found love, and so can you. Click here to watch and learn.
2. Discover a new chapter in your dating life with my book, "The Winning Dating Formula." It is more than a book; it is your journey to love mapped out. And it is just a click away on Amazon. Click here and start attracting the love you deserve.
3. Join our Finding Love after 50 Facebook group to find camaraderie and connection. It is a warm and welcoming space to share your journey and receive support every step of the way. Click here to become part of our community.
4. On the lookout for a dating site that resonates with you? Browse through my personal selection of the best dating sites tailor-made for fabulous over 50s. Click here and say goodbye to guesswork.
Let these resources be your steppingstones to a love life filled with promise and joy. When you are ready, I am here to take that journey with you. Together, lets find your Mr. Right! 🌹
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Another and perhaps the first step is Togo over what occurred in the rship and the warning signs that you may have missed. Sadly, some of these things may not happen until later in the rship. My last “real” rship was 2+ years ago with a widower whom I’d met IRL. After 11/2 years, he told me, totally out of the blue after a great weekend together, that he’d been seeing someone and SHE wanted to meet me as she was into “all things Indian”, and that he wanted me to keep helping him train and still have the use of my home during an upcoming marathon. My response is not printable. It took me so much by surprise that I spent a lot of time looking for missed red flags. There were indications his late wife didn’t trust him. Although he’d begun dating me at an appropriate interval after his wife’s death, he’d actually started dating immediately after she died. I’d had a bad gut feeling about him from the start and had issues with a huge difference in our intellectual reasoning levels. I thought I was “broadening my horizons” but I’ve learned that gut is 100% correct. I did everything right; didn’t attach too soon, did all the “good girlfriend” stuff but dating and rships are a crap shoot. What happened opened my eyes that leaving my current job and town was mandatory although I’m in that weird age where I’m too young to retire and too old to be hired in academia. I’ve totally thrown away my life and exchanged it for another where I’m living more authentically and strictly following my enviro values. That may remove me from the quality dating pool permanently but why live in a way and place you hate just so quality men will accept you? Sometimes a heartbreak, or repeated heartbreaks, is a sign that greater change is needed, that perhaps you’re somewhere you don’t belong. I’d say, never make a new man jump thru hoops but pay attention and don’t attach prematurely. Sadly, it may not end well but as long as you behave with decency and integrity, that’s not on you.
Sounds like you are following your instincts now and growing by leaps and bounds. THat’s huge. Congrats!!!!!!