4 Tips for Trusting Men Again After Being Hurt in the Over 50’s Dating Game
It hurts when a relationship ends especially when betrayal is involved in some way.
When a man has lied to you and betrayed your trust, picking up the pieces and moving forward can feel daunting.
You may feel shame for not having seen the signs that something was amiss.
Or you may feel angry with yourself for having allowed a man into your life who had the capacity to break your heart.
It’s likely you’ve stopped trusting yourself and trusting men, therefore, making them jump hoops to prove they aren’t going to hurt you.
You begin looking for perfection; which by the way doesn’t exist.
And no man ever feels good enough in your eyes.
What’s happening is fear starts holding you back as you try to keep yourself safe from getting hurt again.
To help you open up to men again, I’d like to share 4 tips that can help you learn to trust men and yourself again so you can have the man and relationship in your life you desire.
Tip #1 Healing and Forgiving
Take some time to heal when you’ve been hurt.
It’s painful to think you played a part in attracting someone who could be so bad for you.
But you did and the best way to start the healing process is through the forgiveness of yourself.
There is an amazing healing practice called Ho’opononpono that I’ve used with clients to help heal the pain in their hearts.
It’s really simple.
You think of the pain you’re feeling then repeat these 4 simple sentences while focusing on forgiveness…
I love you
I’m sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
You say them over and over again until you feel a release happen. The practice of Ho’opononpono is an amazing story worth Googling.
Its healing powers are well documented.
Remember as long as you hold anger towards yourself or a man from your past, you are still connected and that keeps you from moving forward in your life.
If you find you’re having trouble letting go of a man from your past, you might want to reach out to a therapist before you decide to date again.
Tip #2 One bad man, doesn’t make all men bad
All of my clients learn about a tool called The Trust Glasses.
The Trust Glasses help you identify how you view the men you want to date.
There are 3 pairs.
The first is the Rose-Colored Glasses where you see only the good in men and are shocked when things end up badly.
The next is the grey stormy pair.
When you wear these, you’re looking at men with the mindset that a man is going to hurt you until he proves otherwise.
You end up making a man jump hoops over to prove his worthiness because you’re afraid he might hurt you.
Wearing this pair, you could end up losing out on a potential partner who might be perfect for you because you can’t see the good.
The third pair is the turquoise glasses.
These glasses are like a calm Caribbean ocean where you can see beautiful fish swimming close to the surface yet also see the bottom and any dangers that might be lurking.
With the turquoise glasses, you go on a date to meet someone new and interesting.
You’ll take your time before creating a relationship.
You observe how a man acts around you and whether his actions consistently follow his words.
Words are cheap. Actions are what count and men who don’t follow up on their words are the ones who will break your heart.
Tip #3 Really listen to what a man is saying to you
If a man shares stories about having cheated on his wife or another girlfriend, end it right then and there.
This is a huge red flag that spells TROUBLE.
If he did it once, he can do it again but this time you’ll be the one who gets hurt.
I can’t tell you the number of clients who tell me in hindsight that they walked right past these types of words thinking this man would never cheat on them yet he almost always does.
Men mean what they say.
Pay attention. If you listen to what they say, you’ll know you can trust yourself to make the best decision for you.
Tip #4 Get clear on the values that are important to you
I have my clients identify their top 15-20 values when we create their Quality Man Template, a tool that helps them identify the right man for them.
What’s so interesting about this is when they look back they are often shocked at how many values were missing in the men they’d dated.
For a relationship to work, you need to share the same values.
Knowing your top 10-15 values will empower you and will help you trust and recognize whether or not you’re with the right man.
Believing in You!
Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .
💞 Feeling like you are on a merry-go-round of mismatched dates? Lets press pause and talk about how we can write a new love story for you. Click here to start our conversation. Tell me your story – I am here to listen and guide you towards meeting someone truly special.
If you are still gearing up for that step, I have plenty of insights and inspiration for you:
1. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for heartfelt dating wisdom and uplifting success stories from women who have been just where you are. They found love, and so can you. Click here to watch and learn.
2. Discover a new chapter in your dating life with my book, "The Winning Dating Formula." It is more than a book; it is your journey to love mapped out. And it is just a click away on Amazon. Click here and start attracting the love you deserve.
3. Join our Finding Love after 50 Facebook group to find camaraderie and connection. It is a warm and welcoming space to share your journey and receive support every step of the way. Click here to become part of our community.
4. On the lookout for a dating site that resonates with you? Browse through my personal selection of the best dating sites tailor-made for fabulous over 50s. Click here and say goodbye to guesswork.
Let these resources be your steppingstones to a love life filled with promise and joy. When you are ready, I am here to take that journey with you. Together, lets find your Mr. Right! 🌹
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Copyright© 2024 Lisa Copeland. All rights reserved.
Thank you Lisa, your insight always seems to arrive at the perfect time.
So glad this was helpful to you Stephanie. Big hugs~
You are absolutely right. If a man talks about how he cheated on someone, he most likely WILL cheat on you. However you missed one aspect. If the man readily gives up this info, he is one of two things. He either is conning you, as he zeroed in on you for his next Ms. Right Now, or he’s too dumb to realize what he just said. Either way, turn around and don’t look back.
My next comment is for you Lisa. Dating is NOT a game! You talk about women over 50 getting hurt. Well women (and men), of all age brackets, get hurt. One reason is they approach dating as a game. Love may be the most powerful emotion we have. Countless books, movies, songs of how to find love, and what do with it once you do have been written. Sadly it’s not always rational and yes you can easily talk yourself out of it. One size does not fit all. One suggestion is just write down as many qualities that you find desirable in a man. Then write down what you DON’T find desirable. (That’s probably easier). Now write down the various men you’ve had relationships with. (Not necessarily sexual.) What were their good/bad points? Are they on your list? What are absolute deal breakers? What won’t you tolerate under any circumstances? Then there are traits you can overlook, if other qualities are there. However if you approach dating as a game, you will lose.
Great thoughts Jack. So appreciate you sharing. How is your dating life going?