You Now Have The Power To…
Dear Lisa,
I am 76 years and use a cane for balance, to prevent falling. I did not mention this in my online description for fear of being rejected. Following your advice, I received a response from a possible Great Guy. How should I handle this problem? Wait till we might possibly meet, in the future? Honesty is the best policy, but I don’t want to “throw the baby out with the bath water.” Eileen
Eileen,
There are lots of men and women in the world of all ages who use canes. You probably should mention your cane in your profile. With this man, let him know on the phone.
The key is to do it in a fun way that makes it seem cool and like an asset, not a deficit.
For example, in the future, post a picture of you with a cane participating in an activity you love doing and say, “Yes, that’s me with a cane and I can still do…”
If your activities are very limited, you might want to mention this as well. But if they aren’t and you still get around on your own, I’d do it the way I mentioned above.
Be proud of your cane even though you might not feel that way about it and share this detail as if it’s the greatest part of you because if you are okay with it…a man will be as well.
Also Eileen, if a man rejects your profile, its not you personally he’s rejecting.
So be upfront and honest about it in an upbeat way. Keep me posted on how this works for you.
Dear Lisa,
I have been dating a guy for about 6 months. We actually knew each other as kids (we went to camp together). He is funny, handsome, charming and does well financially. We have fun when we’re together! Plus, the physical side is fantastic!
Here’s the issue: we’re both divorced. He has 2 teenagers that he shares custody of with his ex. I have no kids. He also travels a lot for his work. We don’t see each other as much as I’d like.
Plus, even though he told me he wants me to meet the kids (he did that 2 months ago), he still hasn’t done it. I mentioned it to him once, just pointing out that there’s no “perfect time” to do it.
I promised myself I wouldn’t ask him about it again. I’m not sure if he’s taking this glacial pace because he’s scared or because he really wants to make sure it’s right.
Neither one of us is dating other people at this point. Suggestions? Thanks for your help. RL
RL,
Introducing children to a potential partner is really tough. It’s possible the kids aren’t ready to meet you or this man’s ex has expressed an opinion about her kids being exposed to “his” girlfriends.
You need to ask him what is going on.
You can say something like… “I feel like we’ve had a disconnect happen between us when it comes to meeting your children. I need your help to understand because I’m worried this issue might be coming between us.”
I will tell you from personal experience that minor children create a whole new dimension to a relationship, especially teenagers. And meeting his kids is one thing…living with them is another.
Open up the communication between the two of you to see where your relationship is heading.
If he doesn’t know or can’t talk about it and you still want to be with him, I suggest cutting off the physical side until he can fully commit to you in all ways.
Then get out there and start dating again. Don’t do it out of spite.
Do it for you… because you deserve a man who will communicate with you what is going on in the life your creating together.
From what you’ve said, it sounds like this man is holding you at arms length and involving you in his life when it suits him. Think about whether this is what you really want.
Dear Lisa,
I have trouble telling if a man is taking drugs or is an alcoholic because they do it at home. By the time I find out we are friends and then I have to break it off and the men were such babies they cried. I need to find a healthy man who isn’t taking drugs behind my back. How do I figure this out before it goes anywhere? Patty
Patty,
I called a wonderful man I know who has been a member of AA for 9 years and posed your question about being able to tell whether or not a man abuses drugs or alcohol when you meet.
He told me that addicts can hide their habit for up to six months but there are some telltale signs you can watch for.
If he orders 3 or more drinks fairly quickly this is a signal there could be a problem.
If he consistently has to leave quickly with a sudden excuse…it usually means he needs some type of fix and doesn’t want you to know about it.
If his personality is dull when he’s not drinking or high but he’s the life of the party after using a substance this is a possible sign as well.
When you continuously attract the same type of man over and over again, it usually means there is something deep inside of you that is crying out to be healed.
Maybe it was growing up with alcoholic parents, grandparents or siblings. If this is the case, you might want to contact a professional for help so you can start attracting healthier partners.
I’d love to hear what you all think in the comments.
Until next time~
Believing in You!
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