Dear Lisa, When Do I Bring Up Those Touchy Subjects About Intimacy With A New Guy?
Dear Lisa,
The only men who seem to be interested in me are old boyfriends! Some of them are not even single and still contacting me. I have to assume they are just after sex. After all, they didn't want to be my boyfriend before, and they're not saying anything different now. Why do men do this, and should I be insulted? It's rather discouraging to think they are my only option. Jo
Jo,
Thanks to Facebook, lots of old romances have been rekindled between single ex’s. The reason being…you already have a connection and a history from the past that feels comfortable and worth exploring again.
As to the ex-boyfriends who are married, often they feel lonely in their marriages and hope to fill in with you what is missing with their wives. Not a great way to start a new relationship!
It’s time to be proactive about your dating life. Get yourself on the dating sites that are right for you. Also, be sure you are showing the best YOU possible in your profile and picture.
Men make a decision in less than 10 seconds as to whether or not to contact you based on your picture. If you’re in my Dating Mentorship Group, how to post a great picture and profile is covered completely in the first class.
Also, get yourself out into the real world into activities that men might be doing, like going to the driving range, baseball games, and even grandchildren’s sporting events. Grandpas love cheering their kids on. You never know who you’ll meet there.
Hi Lisa,
I have been dating this guy for 3 months we are both in our 50's and I hear from him about once a week by text message only, except when he disappeared for 10 days with no explanation. I like this guy (he is a solid businessman) but I still feel I don't know anything about him and he is holding his guard up and I am not sure why. I don't feel he wants to share his past with me either at this point. He doesn't show any affection except at the end of a date with a quick kiss. I don't want to rush things either but we have been out for about 10 dates and I was hoping by now I would know a little more about him and feel more comfortable with someone. Your advice would be appreciated. Thanks, Carol
Carol,
Men speak through their actions. This man is showing you he only wants to be friends when HE wants to be. If you are looking for a relationship, he is not the one.
You mention he is a solid businessman. Often, both men and women paint a picture of who someone is based on a single quality, whether it's his job or his looks. You say you know little about him. It’s also likely he is married since he keeps so much hidden.
I suggest you end this and move on to someone who wants what you want. Good luck Carol.
Dear Lisa,
I'm 55 and have suffered with a medical condition for over 10 years that makes sexual intercourse excruciatingly painful. I was with my last boyfriend when this problem developed, and he was very understanding and willing to forego intercourse when it became too painful for me (we found other ways to be intimate).
However, now that I find myself single again and ready to date, I'm struggling with how to handle this. Not everyone is so understanding and this is potentially a deal breaker for a lot of men. I admit I'm reluctant to put myself out there, knowing that I have to tell a prospective partner about this issue before things reach that "magic moment." How do I know when to broach this subject and how do I go about it? I don't want to wait too long, but I also don't want to divulge such personal information to someone I barely know. Talia
Hi Talia,
Thank you for bringing this subject up. Many women after menopause have issues with sex, as do men at this age.
Talia, I’m sure you’ve done this already but for other women reading this… always check with your doctor when sex is painful. There are hormonal creams that can be inserted before intercourse that may help you with this.
I know this is hard for you because you want a full relationship with a man that includes intimacy.
The time to share what is going on with your body is when you are both at a place in the relationship where you would like to have sex. There are a lot of men out there who have sexual dysfunction issues they are dealing with that make them feel like they are not “man enough.”
As you discovered with your last boyfriend, talk about sex together and see what types of intimacy will work for both of you in your relationship. A man who cares about you will be willing to work with you and a guy who is a jerk about it…well, you don’t want him in your life anyway so say, "Bye bye!"
Thank you, again for bringing this sensitive subject up. I hope this was helpful to you.
Until next time~
Believing in You!
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