Dear Lisa…He’s Never Been Married, Should I Date Him?
Dear Lisa,
My 24-year marriage ended about a year ago. I’m getting ready to get out and date for the first time in a long time. My problem is I’m about 30 pounds overweight so I am very anxious about dating. I ate my way through my divorce so my hips are kind of large yet my upper body is quite petite. Will men like me this way? My friend says I should post a picture that shows me only to my waist since it will be the most flattering. What do you think? I could use your help. Melanie
Melanie,
It’s important to post a picture of your whole body.
There will be men who like the way you look and there will be men who prefer a different type of woman.
Some men will reject even women who we think of as being perfect.
We do the same thing with men.
Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder and you can’t change this.
I have spoken with men who have walked out of restaurants when they spotted a woman who has deceived them about how they look.
So do be honest in portraying who you are by showing the whole you in your picture.
After all…you want a man who likes you just the way you are.
Dear Lisa,
I met a 57-year-old man who seems really nice. The only problem I see is he’s never been married. My friends tell me I’m wasting my time with someone like this. There has to be something wrong with him. What do you think? Thanks, Dori
Dori,
There are plenty of men and women over 50 who have gotten married a bit later in life.
The key is determining whether a man who has never been married can fit into your life.
As you get to know each other, you’ll want to explore how he feels about getting to know your adult children and possibly grandchildren if they are in the picture.
I’ve spoken to many men who haven’t been married but have been in long committed relationships with women over the years.
This is a preferable situation versus someone who hasn’t.
My philosophy is…if a man’s nice and seems honest, give him a chance and date him.
You don’t have to marry him but you can have an interesting man in your life to share activities with.
Dear Lisa,
When I go on a first date, I always split the check with a man. Men seem to get upset with me for doing this and I rarely get a second date. Why? I don’t understand. Doing it this way, I’m not obligated to a man in any way. What do you think? Marilyn
Marilyn,
When it comes to over 50’s men, most want to pick up the check at least for the first couple of dates.
It’s nice that you offer but if a man says he’ll take care of it, let him.
You are actually offending his masculinity and sense of pride when you don’t.
I know this sounds crazy but it has to do with his DNA. Men are wired to want to provide for you.
As time goes on, it’s fine if you offer to pick up a check. You can also make him dinner or buy popcorn at the movies.
If the relationship continues, you’ll want to work together to figure out how money works best for both of you.
Believing in You!
Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .
💞 Feeling like you are on a merry-go-round of mismatched dates? Lets press pause and talk about how we can write a new love story for you. Click here to start our conversation. Tell me your story – I am here to listen and guide you towards meeting someone truly special.
If you are still gearing up for that step, I have plenty of insights and inspiration for you:
1. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for heartfelt dating wisdom and uplifting success stories from women who have been just where you are. They found love, and so can you. Click here to watch and learn.
2. Discover a new chapter in your dating life with my book, "The Winning Dating Formula." It is more than a book; it is your journey to love mapped out. And it is just a click away on Amazon. Click here and start attracting the love you deserve.
3. Join our Finding Love after 50 Facebook group to find camaraderie and connection. It is a warm and welcoming space to share your journey and receive support every step of the way. Click here to become part of our community.
4. On the lookout for a dating site that resonates with you? Browse through my personal selection of the best dating sites tailor-made for fabulous over 50s. Click here and say goodbye to guesswork.
Let these resources be your steppingstones to a love life filled with promise and joy. When you are ready, I am here to take that journey with you. Together, lets find your Mr. Right! 🌹
Love this article? Sign up by clicking here to receive my weekly blog.
Copyright© 2024 Lisa Copeland. All rights reserved.
You absolutely, positively, have to look like your photos; all of you. The poster seems ashamed of her current figure; she either needs to try to work hard, loose the weight or find someone who accepts her as is. If you are not 100% truthful about your appearance, you are setting yourself up for instant rejection and wasting the other persons time. Recently, I drove about 300 miles round trip to meet someone who did the same thing with their photos; he was about 40 lbs overweight. Folks do this sort of thing because they think the other person will “give them a chance” no so. It just makes them mad.
Lots of folks in some age groups chose to forgo the marriage and family thing due to a number of reasons; we are not all parent material, career, location, may have made marriage impossible or unlikely. I would worry if the person has not had a significant relationship by middle age if not more than one. That speaks more of a lack of social skills or an avoidant or otherwise troubled personality. I met an on line dude who at 62, claimed to have never had a serious relationship. He wasn’t stationed at the South Pole, he was in a career that offered access to many women. That was red flag #1. He turned out to be a stalker. With anyone, pay attention and proceed with caution.
Hi Noquay… Just curious why you drove 300 miles instead of him coming to see you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Lots of great advice.
Lisa
Speaking with him, he seemed very articulate, intelligent, was educated and very supportive and caring but unfortunately in complete denial about his health and appearance and his this in his photos. Most men I am encountering on this site are none of these things. He did say that he hates to travel during tourist season. There are places that I haven’t been to in years along the way so it wasn’t a total loss, eh?
Lisa – I really like this article! Brilliantly relevant and simple.
Thank you Laura. So glad you enjoyed it.
Very good advice, Lisa, as usual!!!
Thank you Barbara.
I am not rich, but compared to the men in my life I am. My first husband said he married me when I was 15 because I wasn’t as smart as his college friends. He wouldn’t have to compete with me. When I was 30 and grown up I divorced him. He was a banker, fairly good with money, and a drunk. Then nobody was interested in me for 10 years. I bought a house, worked hard, paid the house off, paid cash for a new car, and basically purchased my next husband. He came to me with no car, no money, just lust and was a happy handsome fun guy to be with. Fine, I gave him what I had. He took my car sold it, bought two and was on his way to being a used car salesman. . . but his skills with money were not great. Then I found he had a big debt to IRS that grew over the years. I didn’t care, I was in love with him. So I paid off the IRS and we went on. Till my money was gone. I opened a life insurance policy so he wouldn’t be destitute if I were to pass away. He found out, and opened one too, so I would be taken care of. He died of cancer last year at 65. I took the life insurance money bought a fixer house, with great bones, and fixed it up. Still have money in the bank, and am getting ready to buy a new car. Do you see the pattern coming back again. Now the Alfa Males run I guess? So the only ones that are still here are the guys that have nothing, and are looking for someone to take care of them. Not that I care, I am happy to share what I have, but it would be so nice to have a man that is an equal at the bank. I am looking pretty good for my age, have lost the extra pounds, new hair cut, new clothes, and I don’t see any alfa males even kind of interested. Lots of other men walking around in my house, smiling and asking if I have a glass of wine.
I would love to find a man who would take care of me. . . and still be able to have some intelligence of my own. I don’t believe in sex with everybody, I have been to bed with four in my lifetime, two I was married to, the other two were long term relationships. One I am still in love with, and he indicates he is too, but he is flat broke, and has no car. Again the pattern. Must I always buy a man.