How to Protect Yourself From Online Dating Site Scammers
You would be shocked at how often I hear stories about women connecting with scammers on legitimate dating sites.
These men are con artists who will find a way to touch your heart and your pocketbook without a second thought.
I don’t want to scare you and cause you to stop going online. There are plenty of good men out there for you to date.
I want you to be able to protect yourself from potential scammers by being able to identify clues that will tip you off.
Here’s what to know about online dating site scammers and the single best way to keep yourself from falling victim to one of them.
Who The Scammers Are
These men will often say they live in metropolitan cities in the US but their work takes them elsewhere in the world. They say things like, “I’ll be back soon. Wait for me. I can’t wait to meet you.”
In reality, most of these men are from other countries. Jobs that pay well are scarce. Men there who are willing to con you have learned that in a couple of hours a day, they can easily communicate with women in the US, find their weak spots and make a fortune.
They speak with British accents, knowing American women easily fall for their voices. They sound romantic to us.
They will send you pictures of themselves and they’re usually really handsome. Look closely at these pictures. They are often shots of models they’ve pulled from the internet. Sometimes the men in the picture don’t even consistently look the same from shot to shot.
A huge tip off is when they send you family pictures of children or grandchildren but they aren’t in the picture with them.
They often send poems they say they wrote for you, but they just copied and pasted them off the internet.
How To Spot A Scammer
As you chat for hours every day, scammers will find your weak spot. If you’ve lost a close member of your family, don’t be surprised if they tell you they have too.
They use holes in your heart to get you to trust them. We bond easily with people who have had similar losses in their lives.
You can’t find any trace of them.
Try searching for their name on Google. You aren’t likely to find anything. But if you confront them about it, within days you will see a listing pop up with their name and phone number.
They make excuses for never being able to see you.
They say they want to see you so badly and even tell you they are making arrangements to travel in a month or two. Yet as the date arrives, suddenly they aren’t available and the date gets moved back over and over again.
Or they will share news of the big business deal they are in. You’ll hear how they just need a little more money to finish it.
They’ll tell you this is all the money the bank will give them and how their family members have invested too.
Then they’ll email you copies of contracts to make the deal seem legit and ask you for a loan just until the deal is signed. Once the deal is done, they say they’ll wire your money back to your bank account.
Never, ever give them access to your financial resources!
Through this negotiation you hear a lot of I love you, I can’t wait to see you, baby and As soon as this clears up, I’ll be there and we’ll be together.
The #1 Best Way To Protect Yourself
Follow this formula with the men you communicate with online…
- Keep emails to no more than 3 or 4
- Then move to the phone
- Keep phone calls to 1 or 2 max
- Then meet ASAP!
He will try and keep you in the communication process as long as he can with his romantic poems and sad stories of his life.
He wants you to feel guilty saying no to him. Don’t get pulled into this con. Move on and date other men.
Don’t get pulled into a fantasy relationship that will rip your heart in two and wipe you out financially if you’re not careful.
Date men within driving distance of home. If a man tells you he’ll be out of the country for a month or two, tell him to give you a call when he gets back.
Don’t mention your income or where you work. You can say you’re a nurse or an executive but don’t mention where or how much you make.
Be aware of sounding needy and lonely in your profile. It makes you perfect prey for scammers looking to hook you into their scams.
If you’re not certain about someone, write to me or share your story with your friends. They are objective and can give you an honest opinion of what they believe is going on.
If this has happened to you, you are not alone. Thousands of men and women get caught up in these scams.
Situations like this can leave you feeling emotionally devastated. You might find you have a hard time trusting men again.
If you’d like to work on rebuilding your dating confidence, I hope you’ll write me at lisa@findaqualityman.com.
We’ll set up a time to talk about how to safely have fun finding love online after 50.
There are lots of really good men out there to date online.
Yes there are Scammers on all of them but now you have the tools to spot them.
Check some of my faves out here…..
Lisa’s Favorite Dating Sites
I hope you’ll share your thoughts and comments with me here.
Believing in You!
Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .
💞 Feeling like you are on a merry-go-round of mismatched dates? Lets press pause and talk about how we can write a new love story for you. Click here to start our conversation. Tell me your story – I am here to listen and guide you towards meeting someone truly special.
If you are still gearing up for that step, I have plenty of insights and inspiration for you:
1. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for heartfelt dating wisdom and uplifting success stories from women who have been just where you are. They found love, and so can you. Click here to watch and learn.
2. Discover a new chapter in your dating life with my book, "The Winning Dating Formula." It is more than a book; it is your journey to love mapped out. And it is just a click away on Amazon. Click here and start attracting the love you deserve.
3. Join our Finding Love after 50 Facebook group to find camaraderie and connection. It is a warm and welcoming space to share your journey and receive support every step of the way. Click here to become part of our community.
4. On the lookout for a dating site that resonates with you? Browse through my personal selection of the best dating sites tailor-made for fabulous over 50s. Click here and say goodbye to guesswork.
Let these resources be your steppingstones to a love life filled with promise and joy. When you are ready, I am here to take that journey with you. Together, lets find your Mr. Right! 🌹
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Copyright© 2024 Lisa Copeland. All rights reserved.
Sussed out a scammer earlier this summer. They’ve gotten more sophisticated. This one used the identity of a real person, who lives in the scammers town, including referencing his website and taking photos offa this dudes Facebook page. The photos were of him at somewhat differing ages. Where things got weird was when the person stated he was moving into architecture from being a financial consultant. That’s kinda like moving from teaching chemistry to deciding to be a brain surgeon. Not all women would know that but the following should be recognised by all:
Starts with well written English which deteriorates with successive communication
For an older man, waaay too good looking to be on a dating site. In his upscale town, should’ve have options up the wazoo. Looking at the actual person’s website, the dude must be a multimillionaire; why would he be on a site populated by painfully average dudes?
Puts email contact info within his profile. No savvy person does this or the person wants to get out of paying for a sub, not good either way
Communicated a lot by text; that and the email were traced to a Google voice account. Huge discrepancy between when the account was started and how long he claimed to be in the US. You can’t do Google voice from overseas. Person is not a Swedish dual citizen arrived two years ago, but has been in this country, in that town, for years.
Shortly after this profile came up, another profile, different pic, different stats, same town. Exact same wording in profile. Reported it to the site and personally emailed the actual persons website and alerted him to the scam. A month and a half later, another pic, different stats, slightly different profile but same embedding of email address and using the name of the the person outright. Reported it again.
Was reading up on scammers and some of them aren’t even men but bored, downtrodden women in it for the attention. Sad. This case seemed to be someone not well educated, quite possibly a European immigrant in a service sector job, social media savvy, who may well work for or have worked for the actual person.
Some other red flags to look for:
Supposedly living in your region yet not knowing the existence of your town, particularly if the town stands out in some way
Discrepancy between the stated income range and profession. For instance, no construction worker here makes much more than 25k.
Discrepancy between alleged profession/education level and quality of writing
A lot of talk of faith, God, etc in places like ski resort towns, very liberal, progressive towns. A religious person there would know not to dwell on that aspect of their lives and probably wouldn’t live there in the first place.
Again, extremely good looking photos from regions where same aged men are not attractive. Education levels, income levels, local culture and industries have a strong effect on how particularly older men live. If it seems too good to be true, it is.
So appreciate you sharing your thoughts Noquay. You gave some great additional points here.
I have had so many scammers get in touch with me, can’t even tell you how many. But I have never fallen for any of that crap and never will. Now I just say I’m a legal assistant (which I am), but I tell them I work for a law firm In the internet scam department and you won’t believe how fast they are gone. If they are legitimate, then I know I can explain this later.
Rae…something in your profile may be triggering them to contact you. Fortunately, you are a legal assistant and know things about the law that scares them away. Thank you for sharing this.
This is a great response. I will use this….thanks
I met a man several months on a familiar dating website..His profile was very extensive and he claimed to live in Miami.. after a few emails we transferred the conversation to phone.. He claimed to be from Italy but I noticed he had a Dutch accent.. When I asked he claimed , he was from Italy.
Several phone calls later, he was going to fly to My hometown to meet, but I received an email that said he had to fly out of the country on business. He contacted me when he arrived in Africa. One week later he stated his son was in the hospital in critical condition and he needed my help and 35,000 dollars, he even sent pictures of a boy in a hospital bed to my email.
I refused to send him any money..He became angry, telling me I was selfish..
This is a perfect example of the scams they do. Often men are from Ghana in Africa and they will say they are there on business. That’s another telltale sign. He is also playing with your emotions when he tells you that you are selfish. I hope you’ve reported him to the site you met him on and have cut him off. No one legitimate asks for money. Thank you for sharing this story so others can see they aren’t alone and good for you for honoring your intuition when things didn’t seem right.
Hi Lisa,
There now seems to be another type of scam going around – now they want to ‘help’ you… After a few weeks of texts, emails, & phone calls, the guy asked me if I had any debts. Of course he was out of town on business so we had not met. I told him yes, my ex cleaned out all the accounts before the divorce & I am starting over from scratch – I will always have to work. He said no problem, that he had an inheritance & he would pay everything off (… HUGE warning flags) & take care of me.
At the time my girlfriend was dating a district attorney that deals in fraud. He said the next thing the guy would say was that he needed my card #’s & my social so he could pay them off. Instead, the scam is to run them up more & open additional cards with my info.
It’s frustrating on so many levels & I was one of the lucky ones.
Thanks for bringing up this topic – good timing!!
Donna
P.S. At first, he was so believable & captivating!! You’re right, the accent was so sexy. He claimed to live in my city on a street I was familiar with. When I asked who was keeping his dogs while he was out of town, he didn’t even skip a beat telling me it was his friend Fred. He sent me flowers several times. But no matter how many times I asked he would never send me a picture from his cell.
You are so welcome Donna. Glad things stopped and that it worked out ok for you.
I have been on the dating sites for about a year now. One thing that I noticed about these scammers is that they will want to get you off the dating site as quickly as possible by saying that their membership is expiring and that they are in love with you and can’t live without you. I call these guys “INTERNET LOTHARIOS” They are very easy to spot. I am including the part of their first email to me to show you how they operate. THESE ARE REAL….
#1 IL- Wow! Thank you. Thank you for responding to my email/ request to contact me using my private email; I am sorry that i delayed my response which as result of the business i was handling for the company. I know it was unusual for me to request that you email through my personal email when you do not even know me. I am glad that you did because I would have lost contact with you as my subscription has expired and I can no longer access my Match.com account, and i think my account had being compromise but anyway, that is by-the-way since I can still reach you via your private email. Once again, thank you.
#2 IL- You can write me on at outlook _______ dot com or my cell number:: 323 435 —- as my subscription here will soon expire and I dont intend renewing it or you can drop your email address, Lets exchange emails and pics because I will like to know you more and communicate with you.
#3 IL- My name is David, You have this intriguing and intense look about you that I love it and it would be nice to know more about you. I’m not sure where to begin, but in life, I have always believed that risks are worth taking. i don’t get on match often so kindly e-mail me on my personal address there i can tell you more about myself and send you more of my pictures. ( david_k @ a*o*l* . c*o*m ) or you can text me 816-866—–
Can we talk?
Never go off the dating site to continue communicating with them. It turns into pen pals and you never meet them. Now I report them and delete them pronto……
Alexa
Thank you Alexa for these examples you shared. Yes…one of the red flags is when a man gets you to the email process very quickly. The key is meeting men ASAP so you don’t fall in love with someone who is real.
Before I even reply I use google image search on their photo’s this catches many of them before you waste any of your time.