Is He Into You? Or Isn't He? 5 Ways To Know For Sure
Do you ever wonder whether or not a man you’re dating is really into you? It seems like this should be obvious but sometimes it isn’t. The lines can feel blurry, especially when you really like a man who seems perfect for you.
You let red flag behaviors slide because he gives you mixed signals, making you feel cared about one day and not cared about the next. You’re not quite sure but you hope that as he gets to know you, he’ll change.
I know how frustrating this can feel because you like him but going along with his incongruous behavior gives him all the power. And this is why I want to share 5 identifiable behaviors not worth tolerating in any man.
#1. He disappears and comes back with no good explanation.
You have 3 great dates with a man who seems to have all the qualities on your must have list. You laugh a lot, conversation comes easily and you’re beginning to like this guy, thinking he just might be the one.
Then he disappears, showing up again 6 months later, texting you that he has missed both you and your kisses but can’t seem to explain why he went AWOL.
If he was into you…he would have texted you during his hiatus. After all, there is a popular gadget called a smart phone that can text and dial quite well from anywhere in the world.
A man would never tolerate this type of behavior from a woman and neither should you unless he tells you want happened in those 6 months… exactly why he went AWOL and why he’s back.
#2. He texts to ask you out for a date only when he wants to go out.
This is thoughtless and is a sign of laziness or a fear of rejection. He needs to man up and call you for a date. Texting is impersonal and keeps you at arm's distance. A man who is into you wants to hear your voice and connect with you on a regular basis.
#3. He’s always working or with his grandchildren.
If you have grandchildren, you know what a blessing they can be but there is a life beyond them and if a man wants a relationship with you, he’ll do what it takes to create the space and the balance in his life so he can see you. If he doesn’t, he’s not into you.
#4. He introduces you to people as my friend
If a man is into you, he wants the world to know it. He’s proud to have you on his arm and he’ll excitedly introduce you as this great girl he’s just met or if you’ve dated a while as his girlfriend. If he introduces you as a friend, you’re his friend and that’s not likely to change. He’s not into you.
#5. He always wants the date to happen at your place or he wants you to come to his place instead of going out.
This is a recipe for a booty call. The man is physically attracted to you and can literally charm the pants off of you. He’ll say words that lead you to believe he’s into you. He likes you but his mission is to get you into bed and that’s why he’ll always suggest intimate dinners at your place or his.
When he’s feeling the physical need again, he’ll be back for more. The problem is…when a woman has sex with a man, oxytocin is released and she will stay bonded with him for up to 3 weeks. Sex doesn’t bond him to you. You have the potential to get hurt from this type of relationship because he’s not into you in the same way you’re into him.
A man who is into you wants to make you happy and will do everything he can to make you feel love, cherished and adored. You’ll never have to guess with him.
I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences about men who weren’t into you and how it felt. You can post your comments by clicking on the pink button below.
Until next time~
Believing in You!
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Hi!
I am dealing with this exact issue right now. He is hot one day and cold the next and I am getting mixed messages all the time. He never seems to be able to fnd the time to get together even though he is retired. And texting is his preferred choice of communicating! He was very "into me" until we had our first night of intimacy (no sex) and then he has kept me at arms length since. He still wants to text all the time and after we do see each other (yes, there is great chemistry), he goes right back to being distant. I have reached the conclusion that this is all it will ever be with him so am more than willing to let go now. I was always making excuses for him and believing his excuses. Not any more! Thanks for letting me see in black and white that he is not into me!
You’re welcome Sandy.  I’m glad seeing it in black and white helped. I hope you’ll keep me posted on how it turns out.  Good luck.
I've had all 5 things happen to me. Disappearing / reappearing is very common. So is the texted invite.
I know how to solve that. Now I will only give a landline number!
Be weary of giving a landline number. Â It’s too easy for a man to Google you and get information you might not want him to have such as your address. Â Better yet, get a Google Voice number….it’s free and not traceable to you and your personal information. Â
Thanks, Lisa,
I am not referring to Internet strangers, rather men I meet in person through mutual friends. My landline no. can easily be found on my websites which have high SE results. Cell phones for texting cannot be looked up. I will look into Google Voice. Thanks for the tip!
Wow. This is so true with my boyfriend of 7 years!I’m not looking for marriage in the near future, but he’s basically a placeholder until Mr. Right comes along. Our situation is that he owes me money, and he’s been fairly consistent about the monthly payments, but he is definitely not marriage material and he knows that. These also apply to a platonic male friend who only texts. I think I need to take a break from dating for awhile… Thank you for showing the red flags in all their glory!
Hi. I have been dating a man for 3 months and it was going so well, most things were clicking. He even introduced me as his girlfriend to some of his guy friends we met at a fair. Then I travelled to Nashville for 5 days and he texted sweet things to me while I was gone. I came back and two days later he said he wasn't sure about us and broke it off. A week later he sent a text hoping I was well and asked if we could talk. I did speak to him a couple days later and he thinks I'm wonderful but feels confused. Would like to date again and see where it goes. Most of the relationships he had in the past were volitile and breaking up and getting back together. With me it's calm and wonderful so he says it doesn't feel "normal" to him but he does want this type of relationship. I told him I will date him but I want us to decide whether or not we ought to see other people and if we do there will NOT be a physical relationship. We left it where we will talk again soon. Thoughts? Comments? Michele
Thank you for the interesting email. I enjoyed it and that is exactly how I feel when a man exhibits these behaviors. But, there are women that continue to put up with such behaviors with fear of being lonely. These behaviors are unacceptable and never should be accept by any woman.
If a man truly cares and wants you to feel special, he would never display these behaviors. However, a man will behave the way that women allow them to behave. So we must set the standards and never settle for less.
Thanks for all the valuable information,
God Bless,
Kim
I've got to the point of zero tolerance. If his actions don't match his word then it's goodbye. If he is hot then cold then goodbye. Too busy with kids,work etc then he is not really available and shouldn't be dating. At 54years of age I've dated a lot of dysfunctional.unavailable,emmotionally immature men who still fear the word commitment it's not worth the angst.
When the right one comes along then he will do everything he can th move the relationship forward. From the woman who I've talked to who have got great relationships and who met their partners later in life they all say the same thing. That the man puts their happiness as a priority .
Why waste one more second on a man who who is not really available for you or makes excuses as to why he dosnt have the time for you.
Hi . Just an update on my situation where I finally realized he wasn't into me. I called and left a message with him to call me because we had to talk. I wanted to end things respectfully either in person or on the phone not by text, his chosen form of communication. He texted me back saying that he had decided he couldn't see me any more because he was going to give it a shot with his ex girlfriend again whom he was still in love with! I e-mailed him back a long letter explaining what I was feeling and asked him to please call or I would call him to discuss a few questions I had concerning this so we could then move on with our lives. No call! Big surprise! Everyone has a right and deserves to find love but treating people decently in that process is expected too. I guess some people are just not as thoughtful (or mature) as others. Glad I found that out now! Time to move on and get ready to meet a man that appreciates and deserves me!
Well, Lisa, you were indeed speaking to me. #3 flag all the way! Thank you, as always.
Ann
My red flags are hot/cold behavior and ambiguity. There are many reasons for both behaviors, none of them good.