How To Overcome Your Fears About Dating After 50
Here are my four steps to break though the fear and self-doubt you may be feeling about dating again at this time in your life.
1. Take a No-Excuses Approach
Although some call them “reasons,” you could be stopping yourself from finding Mr. Right by using excuses.
Great guys are everywhere.
Yet when you’re not sure what to do or how to handle the dating issues that come up, you make and use excuses that ultimately keep you from moving forward towards your dream of having a good man in your life.
Some of the biggest excuses I hear are… “There’s no good men left out there to date,” “I’m too busy to date,” “No time to date,” “All men are jerks” and the list goes on.
You may want to date but in reality, it feels safer to stay single so you use these excuses as your trap door…your escape route.
To get the right guy into your life, you’ve got to be willing to let go of the excuses and get yourself online or out in the real world meeting men.
This is the way you can find the one who is a good fit for you.
Ask yourself…. How badly do you want a companion in your life? You either have excuses or you have results. Which do you choose?
2. Feel the Fear—But Do It Anyway
Your ego creates fear to keep you safe.
Just thinking about dating, you may have felt fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, fear of being humiliated, a fear of making mistakes, fear a man might not like you, fear of the unknown, just to name a few.
Most single women I know experience fear.
What separates the women who get the guys from those who allow their fears to hold them back is a willingness to date in spite of the fears they may be feeling.
The best way for you to get over your dating fears is to walk directly into them.
Let yourself feel them. Ask the fear what it’s trying to tell you. Then journal or meditate on the answers you hear.
It takes courage to do this – courage I see my private clients show everyday when they put themselves in the vulnerable position of meeting and getting to know new men… Even though they are shaking in their boots as they do it.
Actually, walking into fear is never as bad as you think it’s going to be.
And if you allow yourself to feel the fears versus resisting the fear… what you might get is a great guy in your life.
Imagine that.
3. Be Willing to Go Out of Your Comfort Zone
Most of us avoid discomfort like it’s the plague yet it’s the best way to grow and get what you want in life.
It can be scary but usually you only feel uncomfortable for a short period of time.
Here’s a great mantra that will help you…
I am ready to date. I am willing to find and meet new men even when I feel uncomfortable. I know uncomfortable equals growth and growth equals achieving my dreams of finding the man I want to share my life with.
4. Take Dating Action
It would be nice if you could just make a wish and Mr. Right would show up on your doorstep. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way.
You will have to take some type of action to find him. Staying at home with your cat or your favorite TV show or all of the work you need to catch up on isn’t going to get you to the man you want.
Getting online, smiling and flirting with men in the real world, asking your friends and families to keep their eyes open for a good guy… These are the surest ways of making your dreams of finding a good man come true.
I want to hear what your dating fears have been and how you have overcome them.
Until next time~
Believing in You!
Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .
💞 Feeling like you are on a merry-go-round of mismatched dates? Lets press pause and talk about how we can write a new love story for you. Click here to start our conversation. Tell me your story – I am here to listen and guide you towards meeting someone truly special.
If you are still gearing up for that step, I have plenty of insights and inspiration for you:
1. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for heartfelt dating wisdom and uplifting success stories from women who have been just where you are. They found love, and so can you. Click here to watch and learn.
2. Discover a new chapter in your dating life with my book, "The Winning Dating Formula." It is more than a book; it is your journey to love mapped out. And it is just a click away on Amazon. Click here and start attracting the love you deserve.
3. Join our Finding Love after 50 Facebook group to find camaraderie and connection. It is a warm and welcoming space to share your journey and receive support every step of the way. Click here to become part of our community.
4. On the lookout for a dating site that resonates with you? Browse through my personal selection of the best dating sites tailor-made for fabulous over 50s. Click here and say goodbye to guesswork.
Let these resources be your steppingstones to a love life filled with promise and joy. When you are ready, I am here to take that journey with you. Together, lets find your Mr. Right! 🌹
Love this article? Sign up by clicking here to receive my weekly blog.
Copyright© 2024 Lisa Copeland. All rights reserved.
Hello Lisa,
Thank you for being a wonderful writer and communicator. I just discovered your website and am enjoying reading your blog, immensely!
Of course I am a 50+ in the dating scene. The problem is that I do not know if I WANT to date or if I am SCARED to date and this article really helps me see fears and try to overcome.
My problem is my own low self-esteem and feeling I am not attractive enough (a bit overweight). I know not to fixate on that on a date (per your blog) and the men I have dated have said they found me attractive, but I feel once intimacy comes along–that perception will change! I don’t dress falsely, but the outer shell is so much more attractive than without the shell.
I’m looking for your blog entries on this…I know I need to overcome my lack of confidence when it comes to intimacy!!
But on the good news side…I have met someone, we have emailed just enough for the phone call this week and hopefully a coffee this weekend! Yahoo!
Jane
Hi Jane…glad you are enjoying these blogs. I send one weekly that automatically happens when you sign up for the free report that is on the right side.
Self esteem issues are huge for our age. If you haven’t read my book, I think it could help with some of that. You can take a look at the book here….The Winning Dating Formula for Women Over 50.
In the meantime, have fun on your date and keep us posted on what happens.
Lots of hugs~
Thanks, Lisa!
Your info is so great, I DID buy the book and signed up for the weeklies. I have been totally encouraged by your experiences and knowledge, that I’m feeling that dating is for fun, not a chore!! So good date or not, I am going to have fun!!
Jane
You go for it Jane!!!!! Let me know what you think of the book. Hugs~
Thanks so much for the info.I have been out of the dating scene for a very long time.I’m 61yrs old and scared to death.I’m trying to get out there so I signed up on one of the sites.Hopefully things will work out.
Hi Vickey….Congrats for signing up of one of the sites. That’s exciting. As I mentioned to Jane in the other comments here, if you haven’t read my book, I think it could help with some of those fears. You can take a look at the book here….The Winning Dating Formula for Women Over 50. Also keep reading the blogs sent every week. I remember when I was afraid of dating. Now in hindsight, it came from not knowing what to do. The book is a great start for that. Keep us posted on how its going. Lots of hugs~
My dating fears begin when I look in the mirror.
I will continue to read your advice Lisa, because you offer a new perspective.
Thank you.
Denise…it’s important you get your confidence back. I’ve mentioned my book in a couple of these threads. I devote a chapter to rebuilding your confidence that I think would be a great place to start. This is the link….The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50. So appreciate you writing and hang in there. Hugs~
Good post Lisa; here are some of my fears though I still get “out there”:
I am currently on three niche sites, one for enviros, one for intellectuals, one for athletic types. The problem with free sites and sites like Match are the desperate “locals”. I am afraid of being stalked again.
I practice social skills daily, especially in the summer when my only job is my farm. A lot of men flirt, get into convos, seem interested yet they’re actually “taken”. Have been terribly hurt twice this way and
It’s at the point where I am afraid to respond to an attractive guy lest he be unavailable.
Since I live in a small mountain town, older guys who are healthy and educated are all “outsiders”. Many guys travel here to train and theoretically be a good source of healthy men. However, guys willing to drive here to date all seem to be wounded birds with few options. Now when a man shows interest, I worry what is wrong with him.
Spending an entire day cleaning, spiffing up the farm, gathering expensive groceries for a good meal, or driving 100 miles+ to meet someone is expensive and time consuming. Frustrating when the dude looks nothing like his pics/has a weird vibe/hid a serious health problem/is walking wounded. I am afraid to waste time/money.
Fear of disclosing the place where I live as I will be considered a redneck or trashy.
Fear that time is running out and I will be alone for good. I have no family so this is major.
Fear that only the wounded/desperate/unhealthy/uneducated will want a mixed race, older, wiry, enviro chick with unattractive, muscular legs
Fear that I am seen as too strong and independent yet as a woman on her own, I have to be.
Since a couple of the aforementioned attached dudes really caused a lot of pain, one of which has taken four long years to get over, and destroyed enjoyment of my job (he was a colleague) I am very afraid of being hurt like that again so have become a lot more cautious, harsh, and reluctant to attach emotionally.
Since I cannot retire for 5 years, I am afraid the above is all there’s going to be.
There is a Universal Law that goes like this…What we focus on is what shows up in our lives. I’d love to see you start focusing on the idea that there are good men out there to date and that you will connect with the right one. Also get some help whether it’s my book, the Fun Path Program, or One on One Coaching. I’ve used coaches for years and what I’ve found is they can often see what I can’t plus they hold the vision of believing in my ability to get what I want. Lots of hugs to you~
Lisa,
Thanks so much for sharing your knowledge and experience!
Having gone through a recent break-up, it came as something unexpected, a revelation actually that I had remained in a relationship with the wrong person for 14 years due to many of the fears you mentioned in your post. It was a way of avoiding the risks and rejections that are part of dating. When singlehood was forced upon me at the ripe old age of 58, much to my surprise I felt liberated instead of devastated!! Suddenly I had reason to hope for something more … It’s hard to explain but for reasons I can’t yet articulate I was excited to be dating again. I think this attitude must come across in my encounters because thus far my experiences have been good ones. I haven’t had this much fun in years!
Hi TJ
So appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Thats really great insight you’ve had into your life. Keep up the great work and keep having fun dating! Lots of hugs~