Feeling Clueless About When to Start Dating?

Feeling Clueless About When To Start Dating?


After my first marriage ended, I waited almost 9 months to begin dating. 

Our marriage lasted 24 years and so much of who I’d become was really adaptations of my first husband’s ideas and thoughts about life. 

Over the years, in many ways, we had become each other -something that is pretty typical in a long marriage. 

Separating means having to sort you from the other person.

I think of the day I brought my new dog, Gracie, home shortly after my marriage had ended. 

I watched her joyously slide nails first across those pristine wood floors my ex and I had put down the year before. 

Instead of seeing the playfulness of her behavior, I felt the pressure of how my ex would have cringed which wasn’t really how I felt. 

It was eye opening. 

In that moment, I realized how much I had lost myself to what someone else felt was the “right way.”

My ex wasn’t wrong-his opinions were his and he was entitled to them. 

I just no longer had to hold his ideas as my own. 

For the first time in my life, I had the freedom to really explore me and I grabbed onto it. 

I took classes, I found new friends, I went out with my old friends, and I redecorated parts of my home to make it more about me.

I believe the nine months I took to do all of this were quite symbolic.  At the end of that gestation period, a birth occurred. 

I had recreated myself and I was ready to go out and see how “the new me” reflected in the dating world. 

I was scared but I was ready to take on this new opportunity and I did. 

I had a lot of ups and downs because I didn’t know what I was doing but the important thing was I tried because that was the only way I was going to change my life and bring someone into it again.

You may never feel 100% ready to get out there again. 

You may feel like you are not thin enough, pretty enough, or interesting enough to attract a man.  

This is why it is so important to take time after a relationship to regroup and find the real you again. 

You are perfect as you are and you will want to find a “Quality Man” who sees you that way as well.

Try not to rush into dating after your marriage or a new relationship has ended

Allow yourself to enjoy this time of getting to know you again. 

It is a gift only you can give yourself.

Are you still a Mrs. 1st Husband?  How long did you wait to date?  Share your stories below by posting in the comment section.  I look forward to hearing your thoughts. 

Until next time-




Copyright© 2017 Lisa Copeland. All rights reserved.

  1. Great post, Lisa! I definitely agree you need to take the time to re-discover yourself before rushing into dating again. Your insights are priceless. Thank you for sharing!

  2. Lisa

    I enjoyed reading what you had to say. My ex was a heavy drinker and after we divorced, I found myself starting to drink a lot like him, becuase of lonliness and moreso because I wanted to show him (but really myself) I was still desireable so I started going to the same bars he was going to. I was becoming him or had I already become him, Thanks much for your post, especially some of my friends who helped me along the way. Like my friend said that “the odds of trying to find a good man in a bar are Slim to None and Slim’s out of town”

    Thanks again…
    Edwina, Alabama

    • Edwina,
      Sounds like you’ve done some good soul searching. Keep up the great work! It takes time to heal from a marriage and separate yourself from the other person. What are you doing now to get to know you again?

  3. There are some interesting points in time in this article but I don’t know if I see all of them center to heart. There is some validity but I will take hold opinion until I look into it further. Good article , thanks and we want more! Added to FeedBurner as well

    • Thanks Tommy
      Check back every Tuesday for more. Lisa

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