Dear Lisa…Help I Really Screwed Up!

 

.Dear LisaHi Lisa,

I’ve liked a guy for years now. He is in my workplace. I’m fine as long as I don’t see him. Then when I see him even once in a blue moon, and he does something sweet like ask me how I am in a genuine kind of way, I become obsessed and can’t stop thinking about him.

I even fantasize about our wedding! Which is ridiculous. But I would really love to marry this guy. Why am I so unwell? When I’m around guys I like- I can’t really keep it together.

Maybe it’s a body like rather than a total person like as I’ve heard you mention in the past.

It sounds like I’m a young person right? I’m 40.

Signed off,

Exhausted

 

Exhausted,

What’s going on is you’re creating imaginary stories including a imaginary wedding with a man you don’t even know.  Unless he’s given you an indication that he’s interested in dating you, it’s time to move on.

Get busy with activities you love doing.  Also go out and date lots of men.  If you’re always dating, you won’t have the time or energy to focus on just one man especially when he’s a fantasy one.

If you find that dating doesn’t stop the obsession then it’s time to get help from a therapist who can work with you to discover the underlying causes for becoming so focused on one man.  Good luck to you!

 

 

Dear Lisa,

Once you’ve had sex with a man but then stopped in order to get out of the “friends with benefits” situation… then what?  I did this with the one I love, but now he is getting tired of waiting to get sex again and he is seeing someone else.  What can I do?  Blanca

 

Blanca,

Women are rarely the winners in a “friends with benefits” situation.  Why?  Because you usually end up emotionally bonding with a man while he doesn’t bond with you.  You are the one who falls in love and ends up getting hurt.

If this man was interested in pursuing a real relationship with you that included a connection through your heart, mind and body he would have done so already.

The fact that he’s moved on means he never saw you this way.

And like most women, there’s a good chance you thought that by being there for him including physically, he’d see how great you are and change his mind about the relationship he’d want with you.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way.  That’s why it’s wise to be a man’s friend without the benefits unless the two of you talk and agree on taking things to the next level.

Let him go… He’s moved on and so should you by dating other men.

If he comes back when he breaks up with this woman, be his friend but don’t be his “booty call” by resuming anything physical or you’ll end up getting hurt again.

 

 

Hi Lisa,

I was on an internet casual first meeting the other night and there really wasn’t great interest on either part.

I try to be gracious when this happens and just simply have a conversation.  He had been looking at the younger women with long blond hair so I called his attention to a group of women on the other end who were 50+.  He said they all looked like grandma’s (which we ARE) but it got me thinking.

How do we look “hot” and comfortable too?  How do we outwardly say “we still got it” in a public place without neon lights?  Thanks Lisa. Jan

 

 

Jan,

When you find you’re not feeling it on a meet and greet, you don’t have to stay and make nice with a man.  Finish your drink and say, “It was nice meeting you. I have to go.”

For some reason, we think we need to make it okay for a guy.  It’s time now to make it okay for YOU.

Give him a hug and say goodbye and get yourself back online and find a guy you think could be a great match for you.

It’s time to try out some new types of men because even though you are over 50, you do still have it… You’re just dating men who don’t appreciate how wonderful you are.

Look, I know it’s hard to go out with a guy that looks kind of nerdy in a picture, but you might find once you meet and bond with him, he starts looking like George Clooney to you.

See if you can give a nice guy a chance.

You never know… In real life there could be a spark.

He’ll also make a better boyfriend who will want to do nothing more than make you happy. And isn’t that what you want – a man who will absolutely love and cherish you?

There’s a secret to dating over 50.  I’d love to share it with you. Why don’t you take a moment and schedule your Complimentary Find Your Soul Mate Discovery Session today?

Let’s see if we’re a fit to work together so we can get you out there dating the men you want to date and finding the relationship with that special man you’ve wanted to meet.

Until next time~

Believing in You!

Lisa

Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .

💞 Feeling like you are on a merry-go-round of mismatched dates? Lets press pause and talk about how we can write a new love story for you. Click here to start our conversation. Tell me your story – I am here to listen and guide you towards meeting someone truly special.

If you are still gearing up for that step, I have plenty of insights and inspiration for you:

1. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for heartfelt dating wisdom and uplifting success stories from women who have been just where you are. They found love, and so can you. Click here to watch and learn.

2. Discover a new chapter in your dating life with my book, "The Winning Dating Formula." It is more than a book; it is your journey to love mapped out. And it is just a click away on Amazon. Click here and start attracting the love you deserve.

3. Join our Finding Love after 50 Facebook group to find camaraderie and connection. It is a warm and welcoming space to share your journey and receive support every step of the way. Click here to become part of our community.

4. On the lookout for a dating site that resonates with you? Browse through my personal selection of the best dating sites tailor-made for fabulous over 50s. Click here and say goodbye to guesswork.

Let these resources be your steppingstones to a love life filled with promise and joy. When you are ready, I am here to take that journey with you. Together, lets find your Mr. Right! 🌹

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3 Comments
  1. Hey Lisa – I hope I’m not the only guy chipping in to your great website. I figure if a guy sends some comments in once in a while, Mars and Venus will meet happily more often, no?

    Jan’s post and your reply were poignant. You’ll always have the high-energy eyecandy George’s and the Cougars out there in their 50s (sigh)… but I think MOST of us on both sides of the solar system have a realistic sense of her time of life.

    One guy view: I am attracted to ladies who at least try to stay fit *reasonably*, not just for chemistry but because the gal(s) are happier too for regular exercise. Also recognizing in our ‘sandwich’ generation there is truly NOT much time if you are a loving family matriarch or patriarch. So make time but don’t demand fulltime. And finally the mistake that torpedoed my marriage – not keeping to the 3:1 positive:negative commentary – has to forever be corrected and evident in the first few dates. Here’s another interesting link on Vibrant for the tone of understanding that blows away the eyecandy (damn, that Clooney gets mentioned everywhere!):

    http://www.vibrantnation.com/love-sex/sexual-health/sex-and-his-self-esteem/

    Hope this helps –

  2. Dear Liza you have really great advices. I like that.

    • Thank you Soun. Glad I can be of help to you.

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