Dear Lisa, He Wants To Marry Me On The First Date
Hi Lisa,
I’ve been online and the couple of men I’ve met (mind you I’ve had no problem striking up conversations, I look younger than my age) immediately want to be the only one, and want a commitment right then and there. I try to explain I want to date to meet people. They get mad. What’s the deal here? Gena
Gena,
An amazing thing has happened as we’ve aged.
Many women over 50 often just want to play in the dating arena.
Yet, men want to settle down and have a great relationship sharing their life with one woman.
Crazy, isn’t it?
Yes, the players are still out there, but most men over 50 I’ve spoken with truly desire a good committed relationship with ONE woman.
They want nothing more than to please a woman and make her happy.
The problem arises when you and the man you are dating aren’t on the same dating page.
He feels rejected for putting himself in a vulnerable position of letting you know how he feels.
He doesn’t understand why you would be on a dating site if you weren’t looking for love with one person like he is.
So he gets mad. But he’s really mad at himself for exposing his vulnerability and for misjudging you and your dating intentions.
Most dating sites ask what type of relationship you are looking for, whether it’s a date, a committed relationship, or marriage. Be clear in your profile that you are only looking to date, not mate.
This should help in attracting men who are looking for the same type of connection you want in your life right now.
Dear Lisa,
I’ve had men write me online but I just don’t know how to answer them. Any suggestions? Margie
Margie,
I like to look at online dating as if it’s a virtual cocktail party. How would you act at a party? You’d be fun, flirty and cute.
Your flow of emails are the same as cocktail party conversation – light and fun.
To do this, take a few moments to collect your thoughts before answering a man’s letter.
Keep your answers short and be sure to ask a fun question he can respond to.
You’ll find if questions aren’t asked, email flow can end.
If he starts asking serious questions in his emails, then suggest taking your conversation to the phone.
See this as the fun, flirty phase of opening up a conversation to see whether you want to talk or meet a new man.
Dear Lisa,
I’ve been dating quite a few men, but not one has come close to being physically attractive to me. One I decided to have sex with, and even months after being apart from my ex I can’t stop comparing the two in my head. My ex was very well built and I liked his way with me from the first time. Will I ever feel the chemistry with anyone else? I can’t stand the thought of being with someone I don’t enjoy being physical with. These other men are all able to care for me and I know they’d be able to do so in ways my husband wouldn’t. But I have no interest if they’re not hot and sexually attractive to me. All this from a 50 year old woman. Your thoughts? Jenna
Jenna,
The type of chemistry you are looking for is actually an exciting drug cocktail your body produces to create an intense rush when you meet someone you’re attracted to.
It’s highly addictive, it feels good and it lasts about 90 days before you see a man for who he really is.
This type of chemistry cannot be sustained and when the flaws of a man begin showing up…you start questioning what made you get involved with him in the first place.
When you feel this type of intense rush of chemistry, run the other way as fast as you can unless you are looking for a lot of sex and nothing else with a man.
It’s almost impossible to turn what’s happening here into a true relationship.
The best chemistry is one that develops over time and might not start appearing until date three or four.
It can build and it’s the type of chemistry that is sustainable and makes for a great relationship.
That’s why it’s important to give men a chance with more than one date. As you get to know a man and bond with him, he can actually become quite handsome to you.
Now, if hot and sexy is all you want, by all means go for it. Just know that it’s a chemical reaction that will probably end within 3 months.
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Believing in You!
Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .
💞 Feeling like you are on a merry-go-round of mismatched dates? Lets press pause and talk about how we can write a new love story for you. Click here to start our conversation. Tell me your story – I am here to listen and guide you towards meeting someone truly special.
If you are still gearing up for that step, I have plenty of insights and inspiration for you:
1. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for heartfelt dating wisdom and uplifting success stories from women who have been just where you are. They found love, and so can you. Click here to watch and learn.
2. Discover a new chapter in your dating life with my book, "The Winning Dating Formula." It is more than a book; it is your journey to love mapped out. And it is just a click away on Amazon. Click here and start attracting the love you deserve.
3. Join our Finding Love after 50 Facebook group to find camaraderie and connection. It is a warm and welcoming space to share your journey and receive support every step of the way. Click here to become part of our community.
4. On the lookout for a dating site that resonates with you? Browse through my personal selection of the best dating sites tailor-made for fabulous over 50s. Click here and say goodbye to guesswork.
Let these resources be your steppingstones to a love life filled with promise and joy. When you are ready, I am here to take that journey with you. Together, lets find your Mr. Right! 🌹
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I have been with a man for over Five years and we hit it off from the start. I was not looking for marriage but now I am I want more so I am going to part ways with him, I am dateing now and most of the men want to get married soon after we go out but I don’t want to rush into it,just to be married.
I met a man. The chemistry could have ignited the room. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before. We were engaged in serious passion by our fourth meeting. We slept together on our sixth. Three and a half years later, the flames still ignite the room. I’d never have beleived it if I hadn’t experienced it for myself. You just have to trust your inner voice. Pay close attention to it.
Gena
Men who think they’re exclusive and demand the same of you after very few dates are kind of a red flag, especially one that wanted to get married immediately. It kinda speaks of desperation and/or an inability of the guy to be happy on his own. At this point, you are literally strangers. I have no problem with committing, as that is what I am on line for, but developing a bond and learning who the other person is takes time; no shortcuts. When you jump back into dating, you should meet many men at first; not necessarily be choosing “the one”.
Jenna
We chix who are not meeting with/sleeping with men solely for validation/attention often, quite literally, cannot have sex with men we aren’t attracted to. The sites I am on, usually it’s one in 40-50 men that are attractive, both physically and by what is in their profile. There are men that one is attracted to but are otherwise totally incompatible and there are men one finds attractive and your values mesh. Met two men the past two weekends; one attractive, tall (I am tallish for a woman), fit yet his life is a train wreck. His entire working life is a series of menial, insecure jobs, at 60, he is where most 25 year old men are in life. Retirement plans totally unrealistic. I’d be a 100% meal ticket. Pass. The other did lie about his height and body, also does multiple odd jobs, but works hard and has his feet firmly in reality. Will go on a couple more dates but if there’s still no attraction, Sayonara. Sadly, many older men simply do not take care of themselves and more sadly, made life’s decisions that today, do not make them good relationship prospects. We women who planned carefully, take good care of ourselves in all ways, shouldn’t be expected to pay the price of someone else’s actions from decades ago.
After a long hiatus from a relationship while finishing raising my son, I have just re-entered dating at over 50. When I was younger so much was determined by a man’s appearance and ability to make a decent living. It is quite new to be meeting older men who look like my father or even grandfather! The attraction isn’t there right from the beginning, but it can and does grow through connection and relationship. I used to think that men over 50 dating women 20 years their junior was so shallow and immature. Now I understand that we look like their mothers or grandmothers and attraction is different now. I also know that a relationship based on attraction is not sustainable..
I recognize that I need new dating tools as I have no true understanding for dating older men as an older woman. I have also become independent and able to take care of myself financially while a man still has the need to provide and protect to feel like a real man. How do I go back to the time and place of depending on someone when I don’t need to anymore? Will I need to “act” in a certain way that is inauthentic to the capable woman I am to be in a relationship and not emasculate a man? You can see how much I have to learn! LOL