Are You Addicted To A Man After 50?
Elana loved Henry with all her heart.
Yet it hadn’t always been an easy road for them.
They’d broken up at least 3 times during the two and a half years they’d been together.
And when they were apart, an intense longing for the other would occur.
They’d come back together and find themselves in a harmonious honeymoon period of heartfelt love and a lot of sex.
But it wouldn’t take long before the problems that had created their breakup would reappear.
Elana didn’t understand why the love they felt wasn’t enough for working through the difficulties that always seemed to show up.
True…she and Henry were so different and her friends would always tell her they couldn’t understand why she was even with him.
She knew that they didn’t live their lives in the same way, and she accepted that.
She was a Ritz kind of girl and he was more of a camping dude.
She could get past all of this because she felt their heart connection would sustain them through thick and thin.
It had up until now.
But she was tired of him taking off on little trips to explore the countryside without her.
And she found trying to get a commitment from him just to go to dinner with friends was like pulling teeth.
She wanted more from him.
She really wanted their relationship to go to the next level.
He was a good man and even though they didn’t have a lot in common, she could feel him in her heart all the time.
In fact, she could feel him in her heart whenever he was thinking about her and that made it feel like he was with her even when he wasn’t.
Having this connection brought her tremendous comfort even though in person they weren’t getting along very well.
So was Elana really in love or was she in ADDICTION to Henry?
The truth is, Elana was probably addicted to Henry.
A hormone called Oxytocin releases in our bodies when we intimately bond with a man.
I’ve worked with a lot of clients who have been addicted to a man.
Below are 5 questions to help you identify when this is happening to you.
#1. Oxytocin creates a high that is often mistaken for love. Ask yourself which one you’re really feeling.
The longing for each other was the longing for the high Elana felt around Henry.
The great sex after a breakup is the fix when Oxytocin is once again released.
And it’s released every time Elana thought of him. This was the comfort she felt.
#2. Ask yourself what you really love about this man you feel an intense heart connection with.
It’s important to hone in on the qualities he brings to the table beyond sex and love that make you feel good being in a relationship with him.
#3. Ask yourself what you don’t love about him.
Elana and Henry continued breaking up for a reason…he wasn’t committed, she needed more from him and he wasn’t able to give it to her.
#4. Ask yourself if what he brings to the table is enough for you for the type of relationship you want to create with him.
When it’s an Oxytocin addiction, there’s usually not enough going on in the relationship beyond sex and a heartfelt connection.
Almost everything else is annoying, irritating and feels unsolvable.
#5. To overcome an Oxytocin Addiction you’ll want to get yourself busy. Ask yourself what activities you can enjoy doing on your own.
The longing will come back but with it you’ll also feel a sense of freedom from being out from under a relationship that isn’t working for you.
An Oxytocin addiction can stay with you for months or even years.
To break it, start by acknowledging the addiction.
Stop all contact with the man by phone, email, Facebook or in person. Otherwise, the addiction starts all over again.
You can do it but it takes time and you’ll want to be kind to yourself when you start feeling frustrated by how long it does take.
Plan activities you can do that make you feel good.
Get some friends together to be your support group.
You will feel like a freak at times but know you aren’t alone.
This happens to normal people.
Have you been addicted to a man?
What did you do to overcome it?
Post your comments by pressing the button below.
Until next time~
Believing in You!
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Striking.
However my gal went through this after a stunning passionate 18 mos with me, for the old flame found someone new and it derailed US. I was a qualified ‘quality man’ and we were intimate wonderfully nearly throughout, but this Alpha, a 3+ year breakup-reconnect relationship – who she claimed she had platonic dinners with intermittently while going with me – threw her into anxiety with his firm adios.
I’m older and seasoned, but still crushed. No wonder men give up or go younger. For women, their ‘hotties’ rule their lives going forward not far below the surface. Guys beware, ask a lot of questions before giving up your heart.
Good post Lisa. We older chix often fall into this hole. Some of it is just plain exhaustion with the dating world. After frog upon frog, you just don’t want to get out there anymore. Plus you become used to and enjoy being treated with affection and kindness. However, basic incompatibility of lifestyle pretty much dooms any relationship. The widower I am currently seeing is a fellow athlete, is financially stable (most older men in this region aren’t). However, he is conservative, I am a proud Socialist. He lives a more conventional life, whereas I run a small farm, build stuff, cut wood. He offers to help with chores though he is not sure how and treats me like a Queen when here. He spends a coupla months in Florida every winter and I am OK with that. He doesn’t call or text as much as I like but maybe older men do not. I just sit back and let things unfold and haven’t become too attached, like the woman you describe.