5 Myths That Hold You Back From Finding And Keeping Mr. Right
Myth #1. The love of your life has to be your best friend.
Let’s get this straight right now. A man is not going to be your best friend. If he’s emotionally healthy, he’s happy to be your greatest protector and he will willingly fix anything for you when he can. But he’s not going to get involved in long conversations about things he has no interest in.
When you start telling an involved complicated story about your friends and their families, a man can’t keep track of the point you are trying to make. Unless it’s about you and taking care of you, his eyes will glaze after about 5 minutes.
This is why it’s so important to have girl friends who will happily process any story with you over a good martini or a glass of wine.
Myth #2. You’ll just know he’s “the one” when you meet him.
I hate to burst your bubble, but this rarely happens.
Yes, you’ll hear stories shared by women who’ve said they just knew when they met their husband that he was the one. What you don’t hear are all the stories about women who thought they’d found the one but it turns out they hadn’t.
Thanks to Hollywood, it’s easy for you to get caught up in the fantasy and romance part of dating, such as eyes meeting across a crowded room.
Yet the core of attraction between a man and a woman is actually nothing more than a chemical reaction the two of you share in each other’s presence.
Men must feel an attraction to you immediately but you don’t have to feel an immediate attraction to him.
Women have the ability to feel attraction over time once they get to know a man’s personality and behaviors.
This is why it’s so important to give nice men a chance. You could be overlooking one of the good ones because you didn’t feel that initial attraction.
Myth #3. You’re his girlfriend after 3 dates.
The way you know you’re a man’s girlfriend is from the way he introduces you to his friends. If he says, “This is my friend, Julie.” Guess what? That’s exactly who you are in his mind.
On the other hand, if he says, “This is my girlfriend, Julie,” then you know this is how he views you.
Always carefully listen to a man’s words because men are very good at saying exactly what they mean.
Myth #4. Men love the makeovers you give them.
No way! I speak with a lot of men and one of their biggest pet peeves is how women are always trying to change them, whether it’s the clothes they wear, the food they eat or how they do their job.
One of the coolest things about emotionally healthy men – who, by the way, are usually Quality Men – is they love you exactly for who you are. They won’t try and change you, so don’t try and change them.
If you don’t like who a man is then let him go and move on to a man you do like. Some men will let you redress them over time. Just don’t try and do it on the first or the fifth date.
Myth #5. He loves when you define what you want him to do for you in your online profile.
Men are always amazed at the demands women put in their profiles about the money a man must make or the places he has to take you to get a date with you.
This is a huge turn off to men, just like it would be for you if you saw demands about women’s weight or hairstyle in a man’s profile. Men especially don’t like being told what to do by the women they know, much less by women they have never met.
Leave your demands out of your profile and instead write a profile that makes you seem like a fun woman to get to know.
I’d love to hear what you think of these myths in the comments. Disagree with any of them?
Until next time~
Believing in You!
Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .
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Myth #3: You hit this on the spot! I was in a “serious” relationship for several years, but was always introduced as “This is a friend of mine, Susan”. As I live in a foreign country, at first I didn’t pick up on the use of “a friend” (which, BTW, is even lower down the totem pole than “my friend”), but soon I did… And it represented EXACTLY my position – one of several in a collection he was juggling, while we were supposedly exclusive (meaning, I was exclusively HIS!). Oh, to have read this blog or book BEFORE wasting my precious time with this non-quality guy… Thanks for all your efforts, Lisa Copland! Keep ’em coming!
You are so welcome Susan. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank YOU!!