3 Oversights That Are Killing Your Over 50’s Dating Life—And What You Can Do To Get It Rockin’ Again
1. Dating falls flat when your dating mojo is missing…
As confident as you might feel at work – and why wouldn’t you be? You’ve been doing it forever and you’ve learned the tools and developed the resources that makes you good at what you do – this confidence doesn’t translate to how you might feel today as a woman over 50 stepping into the dating world.
Yikes…this part of your life means having to meet new men who might judge you or not like you. Pretty scary!
I’ve had clients who were powerhouses in their chosen fields. If you asked them what their confidence level was on a scale from 1-10, it would be 10+++ but asked the same question about dating, the number often plummeted to 2 or even into negative numbers.
As we all know, our bodies and our faces have changed with age. In such a youth oriented culture, it’s easy to forget just how amazing you really are at this time in your life.
And you really are! You have wisdom and a passion for life from knowing who you are and what you bring to the world.
This is called inner beauty and it’s something that makes you glow from the inside out enhancing your outer beauty. This whole package is something young women don’t have yet.
It’s also something men are highly attracted to in the women they want to date. Your job is to find your inner beauty and bring it out into the world for all to see.
2. You’re only looking for a George Clooney type of guy who is handsome and rich and yet, you’re finding his clone doesn’t exist…
Last time you dated, chances are the guys you were attracted to looked a lot different than those faces you see online today.
The men of our youth were young, hot, had longer hair, toned bodies and handsome faces. Where are they now? Well, I’ll let you in on a secret… they are the over 50’s men you see online with grey hair, glasses and bellies who want to date you.
And what you are probably thinking when you look at them is, my friends tell me I look young and these men look so old.
George and the men who look like him have one thing going for them you can see right away…they are handsome on the outside. But it doesn’t mean they are great guys on the inside. That’s a story we’ve made up about the beautiful people. If they are beautiful, they must be the best.
It’s not necessarily true. What’s in a man’s heart and how he treats a woman is what really counts. Some of those older looking, grey haired, fuddy duddies are amazing men that women pass over daily.
They may be far more fun, caring and loving than you think. Turn your over 50’s dating life around by giving one of them a chance. He may turn out to be a great catch.
3. You expect to feel instant chemistry to go out with a man again…
Want to know what chemistry really is? It’s a hormonal release that started back in the caveman days. It meant this person was a potential mate for making strong babies that could survive the brutal elements of the time.
It’s useful even today for young adults who are looking for a mate to build a life with including children, the dog and the house.
But over 50’s dating is different. This part of your life is not about building like it was in your 20’s. It’s about finding someone to share a good life with who will make a great companion for you. And who will be there to support you and you support him…through both the good times and the challenging times that can come with aging.
It’s worth adding this quality into the equation for figuring out your attraction factor after 50.
I’d love to show you how to jumpstart your dating life. It doesn’t have to be as hard as you might be making it. If this is something you’d like to do, click here to tell me about what’s been going on in your love life then we can set up a time to talk about how you can make dating after 50 far more fun and easy.
Believing in You!
Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .
💞 Feeling like you are on a merry-go-round of mismatched dates? Lets press pause and talk about how we can write a new love story for you. Click here to start our conversation. Tell me your story – I am here to listen and guide you towards meeting someone truly special.
If you are still gearing up for that step, I have plenty of insights and inspiration for you:
1. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for heartfelt dating wisdom and uplifting success stories from women who have been just where you are. They found love, and so can you. Click here to watch and learn.
2. Discover a new chapter in your dating life with my book, "The Winning Dating Formula." It is more than a book; it is your journey to love mapped out. And it is just a click away on Amazon. Click here and start attracting the love you deserve.
3. Join our Finding Love after 50 Facebook group to find camaraderie and connection. It is a warm and welcoming space to share your journey and receive support every step of the way. Click here to become part of our community.
4. On the lookout for a dating site that resonates with you? Browse through my personal selection of the best dating sites tailor-made for fabulous over 50s. Click here and say goodbye to guesswork.
Let these resources be your steppingstones to a love life filled with promise and joy. When you are ready, I am here to take that journey with you. Together, lets find your Mr. Right! 🌹
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Copyright© 2024 Lisa Copeland. All rights reserved.
Lisa, I'm good at writing, masters degree in English, but I can't close a deal. I've yet to meet a single man in person, even though we get as far as setting a convenient location for both. I am in despair. Dot
Dot…You must feel so frustrated by this. I have a suggestion for you. You might want to consider joining my Dating Mentoring Group. Here’s the link. http://www.findaqualityman.com/thefunpath/ I believe it can help you with the issues you are having with men and getting them to meet you. Let me know what you think.
I find all of this to be quite accurate , especially the first for a number of my friends. They are too ‘afraid’ to go somewhere new or somewhere alone. I’ve encouraged them as much as I can.
I’ve never believed in chemistry at first sight, always believed it develops along with the relationship. But it seems that men are far more interested in that initial chemistry. Read Speeds comments on profile. ‘We mostly just look at the photos and ignore reading the long profiles that all sounds the same ‘
How do we counter that ?
Thanks
If there's no or little chemistry, then there will be no sexual attraction either. All these guys on dating websites want sex, evn=entually and if I can't see at attractive face in a picture, I'm never going to go out with him so find out he is or is not ever going to turn me on.
Connie…some men are not photogenic yet look great in real life especially when you are combing their looks and their personalities. If they seem nice, it’s often worth giving them a chance.
There is an old phrase that seems very applicable.
“You can’t judge a book by its cover”
Yes I look at photos, but I look at details. If there is a beard or mustache, is it well groomed. If he’s wearing a ‘sleeveless t shirt’, is he at the beach. How many of the photos feature beer or drinking. It doesn’t hurt anything by contacting a guy whose profile sounds interesting but you might not like his photo.
I have a guy friend, now married, who had a six figure income.
He didn’t post a photo of his 11 meter boat, he posted can photo of him in his dingy. He was looking for a “real girl” and not someone after his money.
Stop judging so much by the photos, judge the real person to know who is right for your life. A photo only takes you so far. Read the book, not the cover.
I had been on numerous dating sites, kissed a lot of frogs. My HUGE issue is not being able to meet enough men due to driving distance AND there are few educated, healthy, self supporting men in the region. It's not a matter of being rejected by men I want, they simply do not exist on the dating sites, based upon MY proactive looking to see who is out there. Am to the point of just quitting dating altogether until I can retire and leave. After dealing with the aftermath of my dads death, related to his unhealthy lifestyle, the overeating/overdrinking crowd is something I avoid. I know one is told repeatedly to ignore these things, smarts and looks, but in reality, it is impossible to force oneself to be attracted to someone I will wind up supporting/nursemaiding because of their life's decisions. I circular date a lot with tourists, with older guys here for the big races, at meetings, enviro events. If there is a chance that new, unpartnered folks will be there, so am I. I avoid events where one cannot mingle so as not to waste time. I have a three month window (summers) to meet new men, and when that someone turns out to have a girlfriend, major personal issues, that severely limits my ability to meet someone else. Generally meet someone new 5+ times a week in the summers, often no one the rest of the year. I work very hard to stay fit and look my absolute best, have a good income and a nice home, live a rich, varied life. The previous commenter and Speed are right: no one really reads a womans profile, no matter how well written, they look at the pictures and that is it. Used to waste a lot of time and gas driving to meet guys who had zero compatibility. True, profiles are a thumbnail at best of who a person is but I truly wish all profiles would list at least the minimum of basic lifestyle, values, and that folks would read them.
Its too bad you feel that way. Yes, as a 50 something male, who works hard at looking the best I can – I run half marathons, I go to the gym, I'm carrying the extra 10# that don't want to come off in middle age, I have 2 degrees, I have a great job, I am a talented musician as a hobby… yes, we look at pictures but at 52 just because someone looks hot over 50 doesn't mean she's compatible, so at least *I* read profiles…
And you are just as bad, as a group, collectively in searching for things that are somewhat unrealistic. On dating site after dating site I see a profile "I'm not interested in anyone < 5'10" – even women who are barely over 5'. I don't lie about my stats or put up old pictures, but I'm 5'6", I can't wear my contacts all the time, and I'm not a candidate for Lasik, so since I don't look all roided out like Stallone, I'm short and wear glasses I get immediately discounted by so many of you. Its really discouraging. I'm a decent looking guy, but I can't find anyone intelligent and fit to date. I don't care if you don't have movie star looks, I want someone who is healthy more than I want someone that is hot. But since I'm short, I might as well not exist.
So before you admonish us men to not be so picky… realize that many of you are just as bad, if not worse than *we* are. I'm beginning to understand why some older men I know have tried gay rather than continuing to put up with being slammed down. I'm not wired that way, but I'm to the point that I'm just going to have to get used to the idea of dying single and alone because I don't fit what my age appropriate generation wants in dating – tall, dark, handsome, muscular, etc. Having an IQ of 140, a healthy weight, a steady decent paying job doesn't seem to matter because I'm just too short for all of you.
Hi SC
I think you sound absolutely fantastic. My dad was 5’6, my late husband 5’8. I’m 5’3 so I’m fine with short. I’m sorry you get written off by so many women.
I’m intelligent, fit and getting more fit.
You wouldn’t happen to live in South Florida by chance.
If you are interested, please write to Lisa and ask her for my email address.
You sound Luke someone I’d Luke to get to know
Height is not a problem. I’m 5’10”, but there are still very many women who “won’t date anyone under 6’0.” Then again, you can dismissed for not being an Ivy League grad or your fashion sense or not being rich or whatever. It doesn’t matter. Just ignore those unicorn-chasers. Believe me, they’re creating their own prison on earth.
I learned (from here and another site) to focus on the women who actually visit my profile. Sometimes they visit on their own, sometimes they visit after I visit them. This jacked up my dating life 100%. That, and posting my most awesome, confident pics (Lisa’s right about that).
Online dating is online marketing, period. As such, I never “cold call,” that is, message women who have otherwise not shown any interest in me by visiting my profile, “favoriting” me or sending me a wink.
Not everyone who visits my profile is suitable (see below), but at the very least I know they have some baseline interest in me. Cold calling yields nothing; if you’re cold-calling a woman, probably 50 other guys are doing the same (because, let’s face it, we’re more likely to do this with the conventionally “hottest” women), so it’s natural that said woman is only going to pick from the top 1% of those male cold callers. And I am definitely not a one-percenter.
My “audience” are the visitors to my profile and sticking to that has really worked for me, saved me time, and helped me avoid the time-wasters, flakes and unicorn-chasers. Good luck, bro!
Wow Speed.
That’s very interesting.
I believe what you just said is you wait for the women to come to you, not the other way around.
You let the ladies do the cold calling.
My goodness.
That was absolutely not what I expected you to say.
Up until this moment, I believed the men wanted to initiate contact.
In one small paragraph, you have completely revised my approach to online dating.
Thanks for the insight.
Keep writing. I am really learning quite a lot from you.
I don’t let them “come to me.” I rarely get actual messages from women. They just visit the profile. If I like a woman, I visit her profile. That is my signal of interest. If she doesn’t visit me back, I figure she doesn’t like me (or has better male options) and move on. I won’t cold call her. But if she visits me back, I know that I have at least some chance, and then I’ll send her a message.
A visit to me signals to me that the woman may be interested. It doesn’t work 100% of the time, because some women visit the profile, read it, and apparently don’t like it (that’s what I figure if I message a visitor and get no response). However, messaging my visitors works at least 70% of the time, which is far higher than cold-calling, which was only about a 5% success rate. A visit at least means they have a baseline interest. A wink or favoriting of my profile means they have at least moderate interest, and a message (which, again, is rare) indicates relatively strong interest.
This is a big time-saver for me. There are tens of thousands of women online. It’s no use to try cold-calling all of them.
Speed
Again you are a wealth of knowledge!
I’ve been doing it all wrong and have missed many potential connections.
I thought if a guy came and viewed my profile and did not wink, it meant he wasn’t interested.
I never knew until today that it was the way to begin the process.
Twice in one day you’ve given me a whole new way to approach this.
Thanks again .
Is there a book ‘Online dating tips and techniques’?
Hi Speed
I’ve followed your advice about how to work the online dating scene. I’ve been visiting the profiles of men who have visited mine. The results have been more than I could ever imagine. Met one man for lunch, chatted with two on the phone and will meet each of them next week.
I’m not looking to date a bunch of people call at once . Just letting you know how successful your method has been and to encourage others.
In almost a year of online dating, I’ve never had so much interaction, and all this , and more, has been in one week on one daring site.
Didn’t change my photos or profile. Just my approach.
Thanks again Speed.
Awesome! But that method is not mine. I curated it from this and some other sites. You’ve got a positive and optimistic spirit, so I’m sure you’ll get what you want.
SC
Yep, you may hate me, I am taller, but I’d agree, I don’t see why a 5 foot tall woman should reject you based on height. I believe the average woman is some 3″ shorter than I and some 40# heavier according to data from OK Cupid. SC we have every right to want what we want. At our age, we know what works, what doesn’t, and why. My big issue is with dudes that grossly lie on line about who they are. Driving 100+ miles to meet such a person is a serious drag as I am sure it is for men. I think its great that you’ve used your mind to it’s full potential, stay healthy, tis what we all should be doing. My beef is with the dude doing none of these things, chose to be a HS dropout or not use his education, chose to smoke weed/drink to excess, chose to be a ski bum rather than find work, support himself and meet his own needs. When I reject such folk, I am a b@#$% and a snob. Maybe I AM a snob but some guy barely taking care of himself, not taking responsibility for his life is nuts to expect a sucessful, hard working, responsible woman to take him in. True, a lot of men will not date me due to my education, my race, my environmental activism; I own who I am and understand not all would accept my values and am OK with that.
I Ile to have a phone conversation or two or more before the actual first meeting.
If the conversation goes well and we seem to be getting along, then I’ll advance to meeting. It also makes the first meeting easier, because you’ve already contacted and connected verbally.
As to photos, I don’t think most (rational) men are looking for a supermodel. But photos, headers and usernames tell a story that text can’t.
For example, there were two new women who recently visited my online profile, “Sally” and “Jane.” Sally’s username was “red-something,” I guess to match her red hair. She’s a lawyer, or law firm partner specifically, and her photos were about 50% of her in the office, law library, and so in, in business attire, pantsuit. The other 50% were with her with gal pals at social events, Europe, and so on. The message I got from this photo collection was, “I define myself by my high-powered career and gal pals, whose approval you will need. Approach and plead your case.” Turnoff. I skimmed her text, which was something I had read many times before, the same, “bold, successful, independent woman seeks exceptional, highly educated man, etc.” Turnoff. No need to message Sally, and I didn’t.
Jane had a username of “fairy-something” and had only a 2-year degree. She had photos of her alone in all pics, and showed her feeding a horse, picking flowers, standing under a tree, holding a glass of wine at a cafe or something, and standing looking off into the sunset by a coastline. Jane’s photos told me, “I am enjoying being a beautiful woman in a beautiful life. The only thing missing is you.” I could read Jane’s entire text, because it was only about 1 paragraph long. It was full of how she’s a nice girl looking to meet a nice guy, who’s honest and hardworking. I went ahead and messaged Jane because her profile was definitely appealing. Who knows where it will go? Maybe nowhere. Anyway, I was happy to message her.
As to phone calls,…when a woman asks for a phone call, in my experience she’s burnt out, paranoid or an “interrogator” who wants to “make sure I’m legit” or “not another loser” before she commits to an hour of “meeting a stranger.” I have gone through the “phone interrogation” a couple of times,” and after that stopped. In my experience, a woman who’s that paranoid about meeting someone new for a late afternoon Happy Hour at a public café or bar is too much high-maintenance out of the gate. I have had only bad first dates with phone interrogators, who bring that wary (could this guy be a killer? He’s in a suit and tie but…hmmm…) attitude to a café. It has never led to a second date. That said, I could probably consent to one phone call, if she said, “Hey, about a chat before we meet?” rather than phrase it as an order, interrogation or demand. If she required two phone calls, then I write her off as just another paranoid person and move on to other options.
Speed
Not always. Sometimes listening to what a dude is saying, mannerisms tells one something about him. For instance, one guy who had a beautifully written profile, dropped an F bomb about every 3rd word. Another one, who had great photos, bragged about dumping his trash in someone else’s can on his way to work and made several racist remarks besides. Would rather find out this kind of thing BEFORE driving 100 miles to meet. Good conversation is important to me; it should be to him too or we aren’t going to hit it off too well. Serial killers, narcs, etc tend to be super charming from the get go so a phone combo isn’t going to weed them out.
Hi Speed
I’ve had just the opposite reaction.
First, I’m not a phone interrogation. I make conversation. I’ve chatted on the phone about everything from where is a good place to meet to world politics.
Many of the guys who contact me live over an hour away from me.
That’s asking them to make a huge time commitment for some thing that could turn out to be a couple no go.
I get to know him, he gets to know me.
But if we don’t have a good phone conversation, chatting stalls out, we see the world from opposite points of view, the meeting never happens.
Men who live near by, I meet, sometimes with or without a phone conversation first.
To me, it also shows them that I am interested, as I ask them to call me at their convenience. It also shows the guy who o bed a distance away that I respect and value his time.
Speed, it sounds like you have had a really mixed experience on online dating, and have had quite a few interactions.
How do you ‘conduct/manage/work'( not quite sure of the right verb) longer distances.
Do you mind driving an hour or more to meet for coffee?
Btw, every man I’ve talked to on the phone has complimented my speaking voice and attitude. Two did not work out due to personalities, and three due to distance. Three hours each way. I’m not bragging here, just trying to show you I’m not the type of person your post implies.
Hoping you have a wonderful day, looking forward to your reply, always interested in your feedback and point of view
Hi Speed,
I’m taking the chance you won’t think I’m some ultra pushy strange chick here.
First, I want to apologize for the typos. Replying from the cell phone can be a challenge.
Second, I never demand or order a photo conversation.
I offer it as an option.
For me, I’m not the world’s greatest novelist,( and many guys aren’t either)
I’ve received as more requests to talk on the phone as opposed to writing than I’ve ever sent.
And I’ve found we can set up a time place and location to meet in just a couple of minutes vs a multitude of emails.
Thanks for your impressions of photos.
All of my photos are only me, except on one on horseback , and the one on vacation with a small monkey. There are no work photos, a couple of ‘dressed up photos, and some casual fun photos. A mix of close up and full body shots. So, based on your comments, I think I’m on the right track.
One last comment.
I do my best to treat every one as I would like to be treated.
Sometimes I fail miserably, but treating people ‘right’ is important to me.
I never ever make a request that I would not be willing to do myself.
Can we be friends on this site ?